


The story I'm gonna tell when...

by ShadowFairy



Category: DIA (Band), Hello Venus, PRISTIN (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluffy at times, I'm gonnaupdate tags as I post new chapters, M/M, Mention of NU'EST, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Past Relationship(s), Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2018-12-15 19:34:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11812770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowFairy/pseuds/ShadowFairy
Summary: Years have passed and Wonwoo is old, with his life already made, with a path he already choose but the fall of a pen, the curiosity and melancholy made him go back to that moment when he was the happiest person alive and he starts to regret every decision he had made.A story of Wonwoo's past and the reasons he chose what he chose.





	1. Things become overwhelming

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first chaptered fic so I'm gonna update whenever I finish writing the next chapter. I mean, I already have 15 Chapter so when I finish 16 I'm gonna update here.
> 
> Hope you like this little baby of mine.

Death is a mystery for the living. There are many versions of what afterlife would be. There’s a saying on where you can see your whole life in the remaining seconds before the imminent death we face, but there are people that face death in early life, they face it for years long until it comes like an old friend. Some people feel death in every corner of their bodies, on their bones even when there’s nothing wrong on them but they feel their insides drying up. Wither like a rose in a vase. Waiting, expecting, embracing the death, soft and kind. Waiting for the moment their heart stop beating as every beat is painful, hurting, making them hard to breathe, hard to see. Words stuck in their throats and the tears always waiting to flow, fall and die. An experience that never fades no matter how much they try. It became part of them. It became them and they become their pain.

He heard the faint rumor of the wind against the windows on the second floor, rustling angrily as if it was coming for him, he left the pen on the desk, letting it roll on it as he massaged his temples, staring at his old messy handwriting. The silence was part of his world now. Not that he was alone but there was no sound that he wanted, that he desired. He became old in his pain, alone, with nothing to fulfill his life, not even his wife or his kids. Time ran smoothly and he got a fine life in it. Something it made everyone proud. His parents, his brother, his friends but not himself. He thought he deserved it. The place he was in, the emptiness of his choices, all of them wrong.

He should have embraced what he truly wanted. Run away and be happy and full. No wither and no loneliness. There would be pain but he knew it would be a nice pain, followed by overwhelming happiness. He could have been living in the countryside or overseas. He wanted solitude and greenery outside his window. Maybe a house close to a river in the woods. A cabin in the woods. His wife never allowed it, she never wanted it. She liked the city life and wanted to be with her kids, close to them even when they were long grown and gone. He could still have a good living from overseas but his place was beside her. He let go so many things to just leave her at this point. His pride would be hurt and he would regret every other decision he already made in his past. Every single decision and he might not get into a depression and fall into suicide but he would end up dashing towards his bad decisions to fix them all of them when he knew it would just consume his soul and kill him even faster than what he was already dead. It was a better choice but what made him take all those bad decisions was his fears. The dangling annoying fear, getting into his soul, stopping him from getting out from his comfort zone from the beginning. It seemed that just one thing to get him out of his comfort zone was enough for a lifetime.

He brushed the thoughts away and moved his hand to ruffle his now whitish hair before he moved to get his trembling hand to the pen, watching it fall from his fingers to the floor. He leaned to get it, distracted by the drawer, he took the pen and left it on the table and moved to open the drawer. He took a box from it and opened the upper drawer taking a key from it after a minute of digging on it. He opened it, finding dirt and cobweb. It remained closed since the moment he filled it. He knew exactly how many years and the reason of it. He had been scared of opening it since then. All the memories being overflowing and so his, so him.

His old handwriting, young, messy and sad; there, under all the dirt, under all the buried emotions. He took the envelope with his name on it, written by himself years ago. His hands trembled as he took it and he hesitated, after all those years, after all those experiences he lived he still felt overwhelmed for that part of him. For that brief slip -as some people had called it- but it always had been more than that. He placed the envelope on the side as he looked at the old photos, at his old smiling self. Nothing worries him, just his happiness and his love. That was everything he always desired. Love and happiness. He got love and gave love but happiness seemed like a dream. He enjoyed everything, every step in his life but happiness felt foreign. Close but intangible and not his. Dirt covered the photos and the paper became old, rusty and the photographs lost some of its colors even when they had been buried deep in a box and hadn’t seen the light of day in a while.

It was something inside him that made him to just focus on his face, on the overwhelming smile he missed. He missed those days of freedom. The way everything felt light and nothing was weighing him down to the ground. He was young, free and himself. Nothing to fear, nothing to hide. The air was fresh, the sky looked bright and blue, a few white clouds and he could take some time to guess what shape it had. Good times.

He left the photograph slowly on the box and moved to take the letter once again. He hesitated for a minute or to open it. It had been a while, he forgot all that he had written what if he regret those words, what if it was a reminder of why he had done before. Telling himself to fuck off and keep doing what he had for the last years. He forgot the feeling he had writing it. Was he angry? Or had he been sad? Scenarios of a foreign young man played in his head. He couldn't recall the 23-year-old boy that wrote that letter in between some tears and pain, loneliness and nothing in his heart more than regret. He opened it, carefully to not rip the paper, whatever was inside it was a precious moment for him.

He took a deep breath and unfolded the paper, still hearing the wind hitting the windows and the soft tick tack of the clock and the sounds suddenly disappeared when he read the first sentence and as he kept reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters will be short as I try to keep some secrecy in this but it kinds of backfire because I already put the main ship in here. For me this is the best work I have done because it have so much meaning and so much kindness on this. I would be really happy if you can give me any feedback.
> 
> If you came into this. Thank you very much. Stay tunned to see when I update again.
> 
> Also, this chapter is unbetaed and I couldn't use my app so Ifix any mistake so forgive me if there's any. I'm gonna edit it when I can.


	2. I regret it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter. When everything began.

Dear Me

_I'm unable, at the moment to call you, call me, with nice words, gentle and soft, I don’t deserve it. I don’t know when I will read this and I’m not sure what I will feel in the future about this sole decision that will change my life. I cannot be gentle with myself, with you because I don’t know the kind of person I am right now and what I will become. Who are you? How many time did you wait to read this? Do you now believe that what I’ve done was a silly mistake? Do you regret the love you gave and received? Or do you feel it is a nice memory you left in your past? As I think about this decision, as I sit here writing and thinking of her of what I would be doing to her. Do you remember that letter you wrote? I feel regretful. I think the moment I started to write that letter it was the real end. I could always back up and go back but when I wrote the first word it was when it ended for real, I couldn’t run away again from that. I want to go back to my happiness, to the real one, not this orchestration of happiness. I hate me and I hate you. I wish I could know what I would feel after years. Would I be able to love her the same? It’s stupid right, I could never love someone the same way. Do you think the same? Even after some years do you feel like you cannot love anyone else the same? Right now I feel a never ending love and it hurts me._

_I don’t know if you remember the reasons for this decision, of this course of life I am about to go through and that you’ll probably have faced and I hope to have not been mistaken. I did it because of me, for my selfishness and own comfort. You can hate me, I hate me. I know my comfort doesn’t mean happiness, it’s just comfort, stress-free, and pain-free or at last is what it’s supposed to be. Everyone told me. I wanted mom to be proud and happy. I haven’t talked to her in four years and I want my family back and that means to leave everything behind. It’s a nice reason, doesn’t it? Not that I wanted it. I’m not happy my decision came like a domino fall for everyone else but it was what happened and maybe it was what was supposed to be. With this, you will still have a future. I will have a job in the business and that is nice for me. I hope it came good for everyone else. They didn’t deserve the shit I put them go through. There were many things it made me come to this point and I’m regretting it, my reckless self, my naive self and I hope this doesn't go through too long because it’s killing me now and I don’t know how long I will handle this feeling of emptiness._

_Sometimes I wish to be dead._

_I wish death than live a life without him. I love him. I always did and I know I always will. You can deny it, you can say it was a stupid thing, a kids game but you know, you loved him recklessly, you loved him with all the burning passion your body had and he loved you the same and you broke his heart, you left him alone and crying. If you end up alone I would be glad, we deserve it. For not being brave to embrace what we wanted. He was everything, he was the whole world._

_I hope you can live without him._

_From the stupid you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will have short chapters but those short chapter hold important stuff so it'll worth it. I swear. Still unbetaed, I'm sorry, if you know someone who will be kind enough to beta my stories, I would be absolutely happy. I hope you like this chapter and yeah, Ijust finished chapter 16, if next chapter gets short I'll update when I finish about 1k or 2k of words. I also hope to finish this soon. I believe it will take me a little longer than expected because I bought It so... I will be reading it and it will take some of my time I could spend writing but I will try my best to write and update as fast as I can.


	3. Everything replays in my head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything Begins

It seemed like destiny, that day when he had decided to do it. It had been a week filled with rain and a gray sky but when he took the bus, dressed to the occasion, with his guitar on his back to play it with some easy notes and a low voiced song to fit his vocals, the sky was blue, the sun was up above, burning his head but it felt like he had made a good decision to be there. He had never thought it through it. He just said he wanted to try it, to see if it was worth it the try. He wanted the experience, living to say he had tried and even if he failed it was an accomplishment.

He wasn’t expecting many things. He wasn’t expecting a line, not too long but that wasn’t short either. He wasn’t expecting nervousness either. As he waited in line, watching pretty girls and boys that were quite handsome, everything became like a dream and he was sure to fail. To get rejected for whatever reason it could be, after all, he just had a few months learning to play guitar and he took just two to three hours to practice the song he was about to sing. Something inside was telling him that he could have done it better if he actually had put the effort on it. He kept his hands inside the pockets of his jeans trying to look as calm as he could but it felt like an impossibility. He heard a clock in his ears the tick tock drumming, until he was in front of everyone, taking out his guitar and sitting on a chair and started playing, his fingers feeling numb and sloppy.

“Don’t be nervous,” he heard and looked at a man, sitting there, smiling at him, kindly enough to make him even more nervous but he took a deep breath.

Sloppily he started to play the guitar, the notes coming slowly and un-harmoniously but soon it took a rhythm and he began to sing, his voice hitting the notes correctly but his voice shaking with the nervousness, yet in his head, he was doing a good work. He pressed his eyes strongly to avoid looking at them, feeling himself and lost in the moment. When he finished his body was shaking. He saw for the first time how they were whispering to each other.

“Have you prepared a dance?” A young woman asked, her voice was husky, almost raw and made him shiver.

“Not really,” He answered honestly, “but I can try to dance something if you put a song,” He tried so sound sure but his voice betrayed him and they knew. He knew they noticed.

“That’s good actually,” he heard and a song began. He felt nervous and his movements were stiff but he managed his best to look fine despite his slim frame not being up to look good with some dance movements. He heard a soft giggle that made him blush and suddenly stop in embarrassment, the music stopped with him and he bowed.

That was for sure a no, no.

“Good job,” he heard and bowed. “We’ll call you when we got to have a decision made, thank you very much.”

“Thank you very much,” he said as he bowed once again taking his guitar. He walked out of the room with his heart on his mouth, trying his best to not puke and not cry. As he walked out, looking at the ground, taking a few seconds to calm himself, yet, his head hit someone and he apologized without even saying anything else. Not even looking the person per se and in his mind, it didn’t matter because he wouldn’t see him again, whoever it was. He walked away fast stepped and when he felt safe, he started to cry. The sky was mocking him with all its easiness and warmness.

The moment he was there, he knew, it was what he wanted, what he really wanted to do. He desired it in a palpable manner and he just failed miserably. He calmed himself and stood up to get into his senses and moved to get the bus to get back home. As he stared at the window, he saw the sky get darker as he got away, in his mind, the thought of making a bad decision drilled relentlessly. He dried his tears, greeted his parents when he was back at home and went to his room, lying on his bed. Waiting, wanting and regretting.

The next day he sat at the table eating silently. His parents were having a small chat. They sat in front of each other, with smiles plastered on their faces and when he turned to see his parents, he saw a glint in their eyes. It was something he wasn’t aware of, something that he was too young to understand. Then he looked at his brother, at the other side of the table, staring at them. Waiting, expecting.

“How it went?” His mom asked making him stop. He looked at her. She had fair skin like his own and wavy long hair, her hair framed her face, she was a beautiful woman and she was aware of it and her age wasn’t stopping her from embracing it. He bit his lip before answering, thinking on a good lie to say. “It’s okay,” she said moving over the table, her hair fanning over his shoulder to touch the table. She moved to take his hand, caressing the back and he stared directly into her eyes. “It’s okay, you tried and did your best.”

The touch was warm, the words reassuring and he started to cry, his body shaking, he left the fork on the table and covered his face as he cried strongly, his body shaking as he tried his best to stop crying. A pair of arms embraced him and he moved his arms to hug the person back. It wasn’t his mother, the strong smell of cologne made him know it was his father hugging him strongly, reassuringly. He kept crying and his parents waited silently until he was done until he couldn’t cry anymore. His father released him he excused himself and without being able to say anything else went to his room. He lied on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Everything should be good, more opportunities would come to his door, nevertheless, it felt like this opportunity was the most important, he should have made it, that his life depended on it. He turned around on his bed, he looked at the window and stared at the moon. There was a calming feeling on it. He extended his hand, trying to reach the moon, his hand was pressed against the cold glass of his window. He wasn’t thinking he was just admiring it. The light, bluish hue in it and how made everything feel easy, cold but easy, he let his hand fall into the mattress and closed his eyes. The moon is his confident and singing him a lullaby.

He woke up the next day, ready to continue with his daily life. School, friends and going back into his house. The light hit his face making him groan and turn around. His alarm rang making him groan even louder, hitting the device until it fell to the floor he turned round angrily before getting up to clean himself and get dressed. He stared himself at the mirror, slightly tanned skin, bags under his eyes and a small face. He stared at his reflection not knowing why. Why the sudden need to check every detail about himself? He finished the task and went to eat, his mother was sitting on the table as his father served the breakfast.

“I’ll do it,” he said as he tried his best to push his father on his seat, hearing his mother laugh. That soft giggle, full of emotions. He went to the kitchen and he finished the job on serving the food on the table, alongside the coffee for his father and orange juice for his mother and brother.

They ate in silence, broken by a little conversation from his parents and he was happy, he felt relieved, or well, at least he felt rested and fresh. He finished, he stood up, took his plate to place it in the sink and went to brush his teeth. When he finished, he took his backpack and walked towards his school.

The same routine felt different, it was something in the air. Something invisible and intangible. It made him shiver, it made him scared but it didn’t felt scary or dangerous, yet, the feeling was strong. Someone hit him on the shoulder as he walked and he looked at him.

“What are you doing?” His friend asked making him chuckle. “How it went? Did you met a pretty lady?” he heard the rambling, the rushed words together making him laugh earnestly.

“I think I failed,” he answered honestly. His cheeks feeling warm.

“Oh man, that’s rough,” his friend answered hitting his shoulder playfully. “I hope you at least meet someone pretty.”

“No, I’m sorry.” He smiled shyly but his smile widened when he saw his friend pouting. He moved to press his index finger and thumb against his friend’s lips making the other fight for release. He laughed loudly as he walked.

“That hurts,” his friend whined and moved to hit him but he moved and started running without stop laughing, his smile plastered over his lips. When he passed the entrance he stopped and his friend held him in a playful strong hug making both of them keep smiling and laughing, not caring about the looks they were getting. They got apart still laughing and started to have a small talk. The day ran smoothly, his smile was there most of the time. Plastered on his face, not wanting to leave him, clinging onto him as if he would vanish, as if it was replaceable and that happiness would be a lie.

He felt light. Like anything could worry him as if he was being smiled by the world. Hugged tightly and pampered. A day once in awhile is good.

He went to the movies with his friends, he ate a hamburger on a fast food place and left to home. The place was empty but the phone was ringing insistently as he took off his shoes. He ran to the phone stumbling but the device stopped ringing. He stared at it as if he was missing something, he moved to get his backpack from the floor and the phone started ringing again. He stared at it before he moved to take it. He answered, pressing the headset against his ear.

“Hello,” he said slowly.

“Yes, is this Jeon’s home?” the voice at the other side said, almost breathless.

“Yes, it is, with who would you like to speak?” he said, his voice shaking for an unknown reason.

“Jeon Wonwoo,” the voice sound, metallic and unreal.

He felt his name foreign and it took him a few seconds to answer. “Yeah, he’s speaking,” Wonwoo answered.

“We’re calling from Pledis Entertainment, we want you to talk about the training in our company since you’re a minor, we would like your parents to be present to talk about some rules and contract for your training. Is any of your parents available this moment?” Wonwoo shook his head, unable to say something. “Are you there?”

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said, his voice shaking with embarrassment as his cheek got a slightly pinkish color. “My parents aren’t home at the moment.”

“It’s okay, I hope you can come to the company in the following three days or if later give us a call to tell us to have some consideration towards your position here.”

“Yes, thank you very much,” Wonwoo said bowing.

“Thank you to you,” the person said and Wonwoo could sense the little giggle that wanted to follow it. “Have a nice day.”

Wonwoo hung up and fell onto the floor, breathing difficulties and he started crying. Happiness rushing to every pore of his body. To every bit of his core, tears falling and falling one after another and he didn’t stop until his brother came and hugged him strongly against his chest. Wonwoo laughed at the comforting embrace his younger brother was providing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just made a list of chapters I need to write and I have about 37 chapters so far. But it might change. Is this teasing? I'm loving so much what I am doing with story but it's also really hard on me writing it and make it flow as good as I can. I hope you can love it as much as I do and I hope I do a good job with this story.
> 
> I edited the other chapters and this is fixed already. Thank you very much for reading this story.


	4. I want to go back.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the past and the present collide.

Tears were running down his cheeks and he hadn’t noticed until one fearful tear fell over three words, smudging the ink.

_“I love him”_

He tried his best to take off the stain making the three words become an ink stain and he cried even more. It felt like he kept denying it. That he kept denying he once felt that and he was doing it. He heard a few steps going closer and he put everything back into the box, closed it and placed it on the drawer closing it when his wife was getting into the room, moving gracefully towards him and sitting on his lap.

“Were you crying?” She asked sweetly, a crispy voice, he moved his hands and cleaned the tears. He didn’t answer it had no case to answer that. He had been crying. She moved to look at the table, looking at the forgotten pen, the music sheet and the lyrics he had written recently. Then, forgotten, hidden accidentally was a picture, she took it, the man on the picture wasn’t her husband. He looked at where her sight was directed and his body tensed. She felt something, it wasn’t jealousy, after all, her husband had always been loyal and kind, he was a nice man with her and their child, there was something nevertheless, piercing her chest. It wasn’t her husband's face even when everyone could see his distressed face, scared, sweat running through his forehead and nape. It was the age on the photograph. The age and aura on it, besides it, the shot was too intimate, something close to a joke and playful but intimate nonetheless. She knew who the man in the picture was. “Why do you have this?” She asked, she didn’t intend to be harsh and she wasn’t but for her husband’s ears was rude, strong and perhaps it was just because he was embarrassed to have kept it, to his wife seeing it and his feelings overwhelm him. The past, the so forgotten past he always loved so much. The past he didn’t want to hold so dearly but he did hold himself dearly to it because it was the most honest side of himself.

“I might have kept it by accident,” he said and moved to take the picture from his wife’s hands. Her grip was tighter than expected to make the paper crumple a little were her fingers met.

“Yeah,” she answered absentmindedly looking at her husband placing the photograph on the desk, when he finished she moved to place her arms around his neck. “What were you thinking?”

“Nothing important,” he answered, leaning to place a peck on her lips, smiling at her.

“You don’t have to lie,” she said smiling, moving her head to rest on his shoulder. “I understand you miss them,” she said moving her head to kiss his neck. “Why don’t you just talk with them? you can work something out.”

He snorted a dry laugh that made her move from her comfortable spot to look at him. “You don’t understand,” he said as she clasped her hands strongly against his husband’s nape.

“You keep saying that,” she complained. “We’re married for about twenty-three years and you never told me what was hard about it,” she said, raising her voice, “what is that I cannot understand?” She asked as she stood up, walking a few steps away from him.

“I choose you over them,” he said, raising his voice. “I choose my comfort and I was selfish, they were all against this yet I pursued it,” he said.

“It was twenty-three years ago, they surely got over that.”

“No, they would never forgive what I did,” he said standing up. “It’s more complicated than it sounds and I’m pretty sure you won’t want to hear what this is about,” he finished and took the photograph on the desk and placed it in his pocket.

“I want to hear it,” she said as she saw his husband walking away from her. She stared at his back. “Wonwoo, I want to know, I want to know why they turned their backs to you. Being in love isn’t bad, it wasn’t bad at all.”

“It was because of that,” he said, he turned to see her, light barely hitting his face, just half of it, framing every detail, the curve of his lips, the wrinkles around his eyes and the jawline. “They wanted me to choose love over the comfort of a good life but I didn’t do what they wanted and they hate me.” He turned around to keep walking, his wife stared at him, not understanding a tiny word of what she heard. The truth was she understand every bit of it but she didn’t want to acknowledge it so she turned deaf about the matter.

Wonwoo left his house and got into the car, turning on the light and taking the photo from his back pocket and stared at it, the shy yet inviting smile of him. Of that man, he had loved for so long. Every bit of that photograph was inviting, the smile, his body and the way his eyes sparkled. He wasn’t looking at the picture anymore, he was remembering that moment, on that bed that should have been burned a long time ago. The bed and the memories. Burned and buried in many different ways but soon or later it resurfaced to get into his bones, into his heart, and into his soul.

When he stopped crying he placed the photograph on the passenger seat, buckled his seatbelt and turned on the engine, he thought on just going around the block but his body moved on his own. He went straight, his hands tightly closed around the wheel but the speed was normal, not too slow or too fast, just enough to keep him thinking, to relax him. It was usually what he did when he fought with his wife. He went around town to think. To keep things straight.

He hadn’t fucked everything up to fuck up his marriage but now it was different. He had his photograph as his passenger and he glanced at it once in awhile, every red light he glanced at it, he glanced at the man who looked with expectant eyes, waiting for him, calling him. He hit the wheel with his open palms as he tried to contain the tears. He turned the wheel, taking u turn that wasn’t allowed and kept driving, home getting farther away and as he kept getting away, the thought of his wife became weaker and felt like a dream, like a long bad dream. He parked, he took the picture and placed in his back pocket and got out of his car, walking in the front garden of a house he had never been in, he knew who lived there but he had never been invited to the house. He pressed the doorbell once. He heard nothing, not a television, not a small talk, not even what could be normal in that house, music. It was silent, he pressed the doorbell once again and again.

“We heard the first time,” someone complained as he opened the door. He stared at the man in front of him. He was older than him but looked younger, he hadn’t lost the charm he had in his youth, there were barely wrinkles on his face. His eyes were still small. “Wonwoo,” he said, air barely leaving his lungs, he walked aside to let him pass and Wonwoo walked inside, rubbing his arm, looking at a happy house, messy but happy.

“You had another baby,” Wonwoo stated as he bent down to take a little toy, the man chuckled and Wonwoo watched him nod with a proud smile on his face.

“He’s almost two years,” he said as he took the toy from Wonwoo’s hands. “I apologize for the mess, we weren’t expecting any visitor.

Wonwoo passed his hand on his nape scratching it, “I’m sorry if you want I come back later.”

“No, you never come here,” he said with a smile. “I missed you,” he said with a wide smile that reassured Wonwoo to the very core of his heart. “What brings you to my humble home?” Wonwoo chuckled as he followed the older to the kitchen, sitting on the counter as he looked for something to offer Wonwoo to eat, the younger had rejected it but the older never took a no for an answer, he didn’t when he was younger and he didn’t do it now.

“I fought with my wife,” Wonwoo said as he tapped the marbled counter and the older stopped to move and looked at him.

“No offense but, when you don’t fight with her?” he said making Wonwoo smirk.

“Well, yeah but it’s kind of different today,” Wonwoo said and stopped the movement of his fingers. “How do you know I fight with my wife?”

The older smiled bitterly, “we stopped talking to you but your wife, well, she’s kind of too talkative so most of her friends now what is happening in your marriage,” he said and moved to open the fridge. “Jihoon’s wife is one of her best friends, she tells Hoonie and he tells me,” he said and made a pleased sound getting almost half of his body inside the fridge. “Something healthy, strawberries, I know you like them.” Wonwoo smiled and took them as the older closed the fridge. “I’m not the only one who knows, though.” Wonwoo took a strawberry. “We’re worried about you,” he said slowly. “We understand what you did what you did, we never accepted it but we understood.”

“It’s good to know,” Wonwoo said with a smile and he bit the strawberry.

“Why this time is different?”

“I always fight with her for petty things,” Wonwoo said. He looked at the older and how he smiled at him. “You know, it’s a really hard maintaining relationship when you’re with the other just for safety and stability.” The older nodded. “She saw this,” Wonwoo said as he moved from his seat and took the photograph to place it on the table and took another strawberry, placing it on his mouth fully. The older took the photograph and Wonwoo saw how his mouth opened slightly because of the surprise. “She asked about you, as she always does I told her I didn’t want to talk about it…” Wonwoo stopped looking at the older placing the photograph on the table and looked at him with sad eyes. “I told her you were angry at me because of the decision I made and I told her she wouldn’t want to hear the reason,” Wonwoo said and stopped to take a strawberry and play with it. “She said you shouldn’t be angry because I chose love, that you would be the selfish ones if that was the reason and I told her you were mad because I didn’t choose love but the comfort of a good life.” Wonwoo kept playing with the strawberry. “It felt good to say it.”

“But you never stated you were in love with him?”

“No,” Wonwoo answered. He looked at the older and smiled bitterly. “Don’t say it please.” The older chuckled.

“I won’t say it,” he said with a mocking smile, his hand traveling on the photograph. “It would be better if you could just be honest with her, it could make things easier.”

“Of course,” Wonwoo said annoyed. “I’m gonna tell her I married her because I was scared of the uncertainty of a life with the man I loved.”

“You can always start saying and admitting you were in love with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's another chapter and I don't remember when was the last time I updated... was it last week? I hope you can like this, sometimes the story will be slow and I tried to make some slow build but at the same I feel it doesn't feel like a slow build. I hope you can keep reading this story of mine. All coments are appreciated. I swear and I'm sorry I haven't reply to the few I have. :) But I read them all and make me really happy. Thank you for reading.


	5. I understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beggining of everything.

Wonwoo’s parents supported his son, they tried the best so he could be happy, not that he wasn’t happy, he was but they knew that life could be a burden. Something that could weigh him down but when they saw him crouching on the floor with his little brother hugging him because the happiness was overwhelming and was honest they decided to comply with his wishes. Singing a paper that was thoroughly read to make that shy smile wider than ever before. The smile faded with the days but not happiness and adrenaline that pumped through his veins. Wonwoo was standing awkwardly in an empty room, looking around, turning to see the place he would be most of his time from that moment and onwards.

The door opened and he turned to see the persons getting inside. They were chatting and Wonwoo almost got unnoticed. A staff member got inside after them, followed by two other persons, one was looking around the same way Wonwoo was a few seconds ago making the boy chuckle. The other looked almost used to the place. The other two moved around so they could look at the three new additions.

“They’re the new trainees,” the staff member said. “Kim Mingyu,” he said placing his hand close to a boy, smaller than Wonwoo himself, tanned skin and a goofy smile, Wonwoo stared at him without finding anything charming about the boy. “He’s Kwon Soonyoung,” he said signaling a shorter boy, the boy was smiling widely, his small eyes disappearing as his cheekbones pushed them upwards. The staff member moved to get closer at Wonwoo. His hands sweating and gripping the rim of his shirt. “Jeon Wonwoo,” he finished and looked at the other two. “Choi Seungcheol and Lee Jihoon. Introduce yourselves, I’m gonna come back later to bring you the schedule.” He said and he moved towards the door. The room fell into a silence and Wonwoo took the opportunity to move around the room.

“Hello, I’m Choi Seungcheol,” a tall boy said, light skinned, well built. Strong arms and thick thighs. He smiled warmly and sat on the floor. His companion, Lee Jihoon, moved in the room to take a guitar, pressed against a wall and sat beside Seungcheol.

“Lee Jihoon,” he said as he moved his hands on some of the guitar strings, Wonwoo moved close to him. He had a small rounded face, young looks, black hair and puffy cheeks.

“Hello,” Soonyoung said and ran towards Jihoon, sitting beside him and staring at him with puppy eyes that made Wonwoo chuckle. “Kwon Soonyoung, I’m sixteen years old, I really love dancing, I saw you yesterday, you’re amazing,” Soonyoung exclaimed, rushing word after word, not stumbling on any of them, Jihoon blushed and for a brief moment he was about to hide behind his guitar but he didn’t do it but he could see Seungcheol giggling so the shortest one took notice and hit him with his open palm making Seungcheol laugh louder.

“I’m seventeen, Jihoon here, he’s sixteen,” Seungcheol said, making Jihoon leave his guitar and move to hit Seungcheol, the older was smiling wickedly. Wonwoo was frozen on the spot looking at them. By the corner of his eye, he saw Mingyu moving to sit beside Soonyoung.

“I’m fifteen,” Mingyu said with a grin on his face, he bowed. “Nice to meet you hyung.” Everyone smiled and Wonwoo moved awkwardly to sit close to them but not enough. Jihoon looked at him questioning him. Soonyoung was the one who moved from his spot to pull Wonwoo closer, taking him by the knees.

“How old are you?” Soonyoung asked, smiling widely. His smile blinded him. He awkwardly moved into his spot.

“I’m sixteen,” Wonwoo answered, Soonyoung smiled brightly. Wonwoo heard and exclamation and turned to see Mingyu, his mouth open and he had tried to cover it. He tilted his head making Mingyu blush, a slight blush barely noticeable and Wonwoo was sure Mingyu was glad of his tanned skin because it would be easier to hide his embarrassment.

“Your voice is really deep,” Mingyu said, answering a question no one asked. Wonwoo blushed at the words and turned to see his legs. Soonyoung's hands still pressed on his knees. He turned to see the boy and his smile made him shiver. He got an ever deeper red on color in his cheeks before Soonyoung moved.

“We’re the same age,” Soonyoung said signaling Jihoon, his smile being plastered and growing on his face. Jihoon smiled a little bit.

The door opened as the staff walked in, papers in hand. There was a smile on his lips. Seungcheol stood up first and everyone followed him making the boy a little shy. The staff handed him a paper and he stared at it a little bit before moving away.

“Jihoon,” the staff said and the boy moved to take his paper, he moved and Soonyoung walked after him, the man looked at the papers before handing one to him, the boy looked at it and moved towards Jihoon. Then the man moved and handed the paper to Mingyu and Wonwoo, both of them took it bowing slightly and take their time looking at the schedule. “If there’s any mistake, tell me.”

Jihoon moved his eyes from his schedule to Soonyoung’s. “He’s with me,” he said almost bitterly and Soonyoung looked at him with hurt puppy eyes.

“Yeah, your dance schedule is the same since both of you have the same skills.”

“He’s new,” Jihoon said, almost like a whimper. The man ignored the statement and Seungcheol moved to look at Jihoon’s schedule.

“We’re not sharing anything,” Seungcheol said and moved to see Soonyoung.

“Yeah, I forgot, you’re staying with other boys. We already gave them the schedules.” Seungcheol bit his lip and moved to stare at the paper with a frown.

Mingyu moved close to Wonwoo without him noticing. “We have the same dance and vocal lessons,” he said almost too close startling Wonwoo, the older moved to see the paper and then moved to look at Mingyu’s wide smile. It made him uncomfortable and for a brief moment, it felt he was mocking and he hated it.

“Seungcheol come with me,” the man said as he moved his head and Seungcheol moved, placing a reassuring hand on Jihoon’s shoulder. They left, the door slammed and the sound resonated on the room. Jihoon let out a sad sigh that got everyone looking at him.

“Is something wrong?” Soonyoung asked, placing his hand on Jihoon’s shoulder. The boy shook his head.

“Everything is fine,” Jihoon said trying to pull out a smile. Soonyoung let it pass, maybe he was used to the boy and he liked being around him. “I think I should leave, free time is a privilege,” Jihoon said and moved towards the door. Soonyoung moved towards him.

“Let me accompany you, we can get an ice cream or a coffee, what do you like?” Soonyoung mumbled happily making the shorter one giggle.

“A coffee would be nice,” Jihoon said smiling, opening the door for Soonyoung, the taller boy chatted non-stop and Jihoon’s smile widened.

Mingyu stared at Wonwoo for a few seconds before the older looked at him, making him look to another place in the room, whatever that caught his eye.

“Do you want to do something?” Mingyu asked red cheeks and shaking words. Wonwoo looked at him, he was looking a man, slightly shorter than him, younger and in Wonwoo’s heart also saw a mocking smile. He was scared and Mingyu’s smile was overwhelming.

“No,” Wonwoo answered, moving his feet fast as he pressed the paper on his chest. “I’m going home, see you tomorrow.” Mingyu stood still watching him go. It took him a little time to react and move, sighing as he walked towards home.

As Wonwoo walked, backpack on his back, pulling the straps nervously. He spotted Jihoon and Soonyoung, accompanied by Seungcheol and other boys. Soonyoung moved his head to see Wonwoo and excused himself, running towards him.

“Where’s Mingyu?” Soonyoung asked, startling Wonwoo.

“Don’t know,” Wonwoo answered blushing at how rude he might have been to Mingyu.

“It’s okay, do you want to join us?” Soonyoung asked Wonwoo shook his head. “Do you want something, my treat.”

“It’s okay, I’m fine but thank you very much,” Wonwoo said but Soonyoung brushed it out, taking Wonwoo’s arm. “Come on.”

“I don’t like coffee,” Wonwoo said blushing but not fighting against Soonyoung’s gentle grip on his wrist.

“Then I’ll get you a milkshake,” Soonyoung said smiling brightly as he pulled Wonwoo. “Hey guys, I’m getting Wonwoo a milkshake,” he called making everyone smile and let out little smiles. “Don’t be scared, they’re nice people,” Soonyoung whispered on Wonwoo’s ear making the young boy shiver. Wonwoo giggled in awkwardness.

“I’m sorry, it’s just a little hard for me,” Wonwoo said smiling and Soonyoung stepped to the cashier telling the lady what they wanted. Never erasing the smile over his lips.

“Enjoy what you have close to you,” Soonyoung said. “Live the moment.” Wonwoo laughed at the comment and the older boy smiled at him, at the truthiness on his smile, on how soft and kind he looked.

“I’ll try,” Wonwoo said and Soonyoung moved to take the milk shake, handing it to Soonyoung. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing, see you tomorrow, take a good rest,” Soonyoung said as Wonwoo walked to the exit with his drink in hand.

“Thank you,” Wonwoo mumbled and walked again, he walked to the subway station.

Mingyu was there, waiting at the entrance. He looked as if he was waiting for someone. He looked at the floor and then to the sky before sighing, swinging his body. Wonwoo took a deep thought before moving towards him and at every step, he almost backed out. It was an overwhelming feeling, trying to overcome your own fears. He stood beside him and placed his cup on Mingyu’s cheek, looking to another place. Mingyu jumped and a little puppy like smile got into his lips. Soon the smile, honest and warm faded it was a slightly nervous smile but the honesty was there, he was happy to see Wonwoo there.

“Soonyoung bought it for me,” Wonwoo said breaking the silence, Mingyu moved from his spot taking the cup. “Wanna share it, I don’t mind it.” Mingyu giggled softly and placed the straw between his lips, sucking and Wonwoo couldn’t avoid looking at those, at the chapped lips, dry, skin peeling and with a slightly purplish color, he stared at them for too long he didn’t notice when the other handed him the cup.

“Hyung,” Mingyu said. “Are you okay?”

Wonwoo stared at Mingyu’s face, at his eyes, slightly small but not as Soonyoung, the eyelid falling, giving him the look of the double eyelid and he looked small and clumsy, Wonwoo smiled before answering, “yes, I’m fine, wanna accompany me to home?” Mingyu giggled and took the cut, his fingers brushing Wonwoo’s. A natural simple touch that had nothing in it and none of them feel something.

“I was waiting for someone,” Mingyu said blushing. The question and curiosity overcame Wonwoo but he didn’t say a word and moved to get inside the station, Mingyu took his arm stopping him. “Can you wait for me I think I’ll be needing some company after it.”

“Why?” The word came out of his lips before he ever questioned himself if it was right to ask.

“I’m…” He said slowly, “breaking with my…” He said and for some odd reason Wonwoo waited to him to finish the sentence, he knew how it was about to be finished but the words were stuck in Mingyu’s throat. “Girlfriend,” he finished. “I really love her but she’s kind of big mouthed if I tell her about Pledis she’ll tell everyone and well it’ll be a mess for me.”

“I’ll wait inside,” Wonwoo said and he walked down the stairs. He looked at the ads in the wall, one of them was an idol birthday add, he stared at it for a while and when he noticed how much time already passed because his milk shake was almost done and his wrist watch told him it had been thirty minutes he moved to walk again to where Mingyu was supposed to be standing, he saw him, crying, his arms around another’s boys body.

His arms were around the boy's shoulders, pressing himself even close, he barely could see Mingyu’s lips but there was that movement that resembled “I love you” again and again. The other pushed Mingyu away, moving his hand to caress the younger’s cheek and Wonwoo turned around, not scared but knowing there was something going on but he wasn’t in position to think, to question anything. He jumped the last three steps and walked around looking for a trash bin. His head was in another place when Mingyu touched his shoulder.

“Is everything done?” Wonwoo asked looking at Mingyu, moving closer to him and clean his tears. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah,” Mingyu answered with a sad smile. “She was understanding,” he said slowly and suddenly he started crying again, stronger, sobbing but he was able to mutter, “I’m loving him even more.” Wonwoo tapped his shoulder before the younger hugged him by the waist, hiding his face. Wonwoo hugged him, patting his back and resting his cheek on Mingyu’s head.

“Someday,” Wonwoo whispered, “you’ll have her again if she loves you enough, she’ll wait because she might understand your dreams come first and no one should stand between them,” he said slowly, carefully and it made Mingyu cry louder. It took Mingyu a minute or two before he could release Wonwoo, the older moved to clean his tears with a smile. “Do you want something? I can buy you a cake or something, whatever you like.”

“It’s okay,” Mingyu said. “I’m fine and I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’ll accompany you to home, is that okay?” Wonwoo said with a small smile on his lips. They started to walk in silence. Mingyu brushed his arm and Wonwoo moved it to place it around Mingyu’s shoulders. The younger smiled and started to talk to him. A small meaningless chat that kept him distracted.

Wonwoo was uncomfortable, being too close to someone in a few hours felt like a dream but Wonwoo knew he was still a stranger, a known stranger that was able to help him with his bad feelings, able to hug him and comfort him. The older felt a weight on his shoulder and when he turned to see what was happening. Mingyu was resting his head on his shoulder as he fell asleep. Wonwoo smiled and moved carefully to take a book and read as the traveling was done and he could be able to say his goodbye to Mingyu. Always greeted with a kind smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a week writing a chapter I feel sooo sad about it but I'm gonna start chapter 20 and the one I want to really, really write is 26, I'm so ready to write it.
> 
> I'm trying a slow build but don't actually know if I'm doing it right or nor but I wish you can tell me how good I am doing it so far and if you like this baby as much as I do. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.


	6. I get scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon and Seungcheol

Wonwoo  was greeted by  a routine.  He woke up at six to eat, to leave to school and when he finished, cram school then he went to the company, he stayed there to almost midnight and went home to sleep  . Too tired to think, to feel and he was always greeted by the shower and his bed. He wasn’t complaining, he couldn’t he felt that every burning and hurting him was worthing. All the time there, he felt like it  was meant  to be.  There were nights when he came home after a hard day, a bad day in which he had  been yelled  in school, yelled in vocal lessons and even more in dancing and he felt like he should quit, that he wasn’t been born for that  .  He cried on his bed, staring at the windows, at the street lights and the empty feelings on his chest and  suddenly  he felt like he had born for that even when he cried and felt like everything he was doing was wrong .

Wonwoo was pressing his cheek on a table as he stared a paper with school names, high schools that he could apply.  Jihoon was sitting beside him, his back pressed against the chair as he stared at the same list, biting a spoon as he was eating . Jihoon made a slight sound and Wonwoo moved to look at him.

“What are you thinking?”  Wonwoo asked,  slowly  , almost  shyly  and Jihoon moved the spoon to place it on the table and moved on the chair without answering the other . “Jihoon,” Wonwoo said and he moved to look at him. “What are you thinking?” Jihoon stared at him for a few seconds making Wonwoo blush under Jihoon’s strong stare. “I’m choosing SOPA,” Wonwoo said moving to sit straight on the chair. Jihoon sighed. “Is there something wrong?”

“I’m choosing Hanlim,” Jihoon said and he folded the paper  neatly  under Wonwoo’s stare.

“Are you angry about something?”  Wonwoo asked and the boy turned to see him, his black hair framing his face, making him look smaller than he actually was but at that moment when Jihoon turned to see him he looked more mature and older than he was, even older than Seungcheol .

“I’m not angry, I’m fine, it’s  just  ,” Jihoon said  slowly  as he rested his head on the back of the chair and stared at the ceiling. Wonwoo kept looking at him.  “I don’t want to see you there, it’s not that I hate you, it’s  just  I don’t want to deal with it, I see you five to six hours daily I don’t want to face you another seven  .” Jihoon got silent for a few seconds and then turned to see Wonwoo.  “I don’t hate you, I know SOPA is actually the best choice for an upcoming idol but I need my own space I need to see other faces because one day  maybe  I’ll see all your faces 24 hours every damn day .”

“Do you know something about Soonyoung?” Wonwoo asked.

“He had already enrolled to another school and he decided to not change,” Jihoon said and then looked at Wonwoo, moving his hand to take his . “You’ll be okay, you don’t need to worry.”

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo asked as Jihoon kept his hand over his.

“Seungcheol is there already, he’ll make you company in whichever way he can,” Jihoon said with a smile and Wonwoo smiled a little  bitterly  and Jihoon titled his head .

“I know you know him but I  barely  met him,” Wonwoo said  slowly  as Jihoon removed his hand.  Wonwoo stared at him, Jihoon was hard to read and understand but one thing was sure, he was honest and caring, sometimes in his own way . “You like him, sure but it also feels like you’re running away from him.”

Jihoon smiled  softly  almost  bitterly  but it was something normal for them for all.  They  were scared  at the uncertainty, getting used to a person it was hard because  maybe  , someday, you’ll stop seeing him and that was everything you’ll know  . It was scary.  “It’s not that I’m mad at him but I’m envious, he had been here longer than I am, I know but I’m envious of him debuting, it’s  just  , overwhelming  .”  Wonwoo nodded and Jihoon sighed, feeling exhausted for holding his feelings for a long time and  suddenly  opening about them . “He’s my friend but I envy him because he’s fulfilling his dream, my dream.”

“Our time will come,” Wonwoo said in a low voice before the door opened, making both of them jump. Soonyoung came in, humming  happily . “I’ll go to see what can I do to make the change.” Wonwoo stood and walked to the door which Soonyoung had walked in from. Soonyoung smiled at him as he moved to sit in the chair Wonwoo left and looked at Jihoon.

Wonwoo walked around the building, not actually going where he had said he was going to. He was a little boy. Scared. He was afraid to do a few things, changing schools was one of them. He heard a faint sound, music, more likely. It sounded suffocated  maybe  it was because of the soundproof walls. Wonwoo walked towards the music. Some rooms had walls that let him see inside, this one was like that.  There he saw Seungcheol dancing alongside another five people, he had seen them before  .  With Seungcheol and with Soonyoung a few times and he understood why Soonyoung talked with them  .  The older boy was charming and outgoing, it made him easy to talk with people if those people  were introduced  first if he had to do the first move he would actually become shy and silent  . He felt he should feel envy for the older but he didn’t feel such thing.  He saw six people, dancing  relentlessly  , sweating, tired, annoyed, stressed and he  was scared  of that feeling overcoming every pore of his body  .  Like he didn’t want that life, that world in his mind flowing and making everything hard to deal with, he turned his back and pressed his back to the wall, falling, almost feeling how hard it might be and scared him even more than he had been before .

The door opened and Wonwoo tried his best to hold back his tears.

“Are you okay?” He heard Seungcheol’s voice, low, crispy and tired, awfully tired. Wonwoo was about to answer but the words were stuck in his throat. “I’m free for a while,” he said and moved to take Wonwoo’s arm, pulling him up with him.  Wonwoo felt Seungcheol’s strong hand around his arm and it wasn’t the grip but the touch, the warmness and he started crying, sobbing  loudly . It took a few seconds to Seungcheol to react, pulling the younger closer and hugging him. “Everything’s okay.”

Wonwoo took a few minutes to calm down, Seungcheol hugging him, patting his back  slowly  , as a parent calming his son  .  Seungcheol wasn’t his parent and he wasn’t even close to  being called  a friend but the touch was  absolutely  reassuring . The older had pushed him outside the company to a simple store, he had bought him a coke and pushed him to sit on the ground.

“Are you feeling fine?” Seungcheol asked and Wonwoo pushed the mouth of the bottle against his lips and drank from it.  The beverage was cold, it felt like burning his throat and his empty stomach but Wonwoo didn’t care about the matter  .  “Wonwoo,” he heard, Seungcheol sounded like pleading for an answer from him making Wonwoo look at him .

“I’m fine,” Wonwoo said  slowly , “I guess,” he added making Seungcheol smile and he blushed at the soft, warm smile.

“What it’s wrong?” Seungcheol asked again and when Wonwoo moved to take another sip from his drink he stopped him. “Tell me.”

“I’m scared,” Wonwoo said as he closed the bottle and played with it. “I saw you and I felt scared.” Wonwoo heard a soft chuckle and turned to see Seungcheol. He  barely  knew the man.  He  barely  knew how he was but besides the fact, he was an old trainee and now was training the hardest to become the person he had been dreaming to be .

“You shouldn’t, you’ll be in my place one day,” Seungcheol said as he played with his hands.

“It’s not about not debuting,” Wonwoo said and he looked at his feet, moving them to kick a small stone. “It’s about debuting.” Wonwoo looked at Seungcheol. The boy was looking at him, expecting him to keep talking but the younger bit his lip.  “I saw you and it felt scary, it felt different at how I’m feeling things,” Wonwoo said, pressing his hands against his chest, hitting it with his fingers . “You feel stressed, angry, sad, anxious, I don’t feel any of that and I don’t want to feel it at all.” Seungcheol laughed, a lonely loud laugh. It was honest and comforting. Wonwoo stared at him, at how his lips curved.

“You’ll love it,” Seungcheol said without erasing his smile, “Every bit of those emotions  are linked  to happiness, it’s not only and  merely  those emotions. I mean,” he said and took a deep breath. “I am worried about not doing it right.  I am sad because I’m leaving some people behind, I’m stressed because I want everything to be perfect and I want people loving us and anxious because we’ll never know how it’ll go if we don’t do it, it’s filled with what if’s but that doesn’t stop us to feel happy, to pursue our dreams and touch them so close and so  dearly  ,” he finished taking a deep breath . “You’ll love the feeling once is close to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some thing might be out of time and weird but it's how I found myself writing it to describe and set the mood for Jihoon's and Seungcheol's characters. 
> 
> As long as I know Seungcheol was supposed to debut in Nu'Est so that's why I added this scene. 
> 
> So far, I'm trying to make Wonwoo get used to everyone before doing something else, remember, slow build. So far how am I doing?
> 
> P.S: I'm so sorry for the late update I haven't give myself lot of time to write.


	7. someone else can take your place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new

There was a thing that never changed. Wonwoo was unable to be friendly with everyone. He tried his best but something made him step out. Jihoon was the most understanding, maybe it was because he was the same but Mingyu and Soonyoung tried their best to include him on everything they were doing. Even if it was to just make him accompany them to the closest store to buy a water bottle or a few refreshments. At some point, Mingyu learned his place but Soonyoung kept pushing him. If Wonwoo was honest, he liked how persistent Soonyoung could be. It made him feel needed. The three of them were stuck on the company cleaning after their mess. The had bought ice cream and cookies, a few drinks and Jihoon got annoyed to Soonyoung, throwing him a piece of cookie, hitting the older on the head. Mingyu laughed too loudly and Soonyoung took revenge on both of them. Jihoon and Mingyu. Wonwoo was only in the middle of their food fight when the staff got in the room, Jihoon hid and was able to run away without any kind of punishment but the other three were there trying to clean the mess they did from the walls. Mingyu was scrubbing the walls, Soonyoung was sweeping the floor and Wonwoo held a plastic bag putting trash in it. Including the trash from the trash can in the whole building. Wonwoo sat on a chair as Mingyu scrubbed tiredly and bored, the wall, the stain was long gone and he had a few other to work on but he was there. Clinging to that particular spot.

“Stop,” Soonyoung growled and stopped sweeping to look at Mingyu, “Move your ass,” he finished making Mingyu chuckle and move to the other stain, yet Soonyoung threw the broom to the floor and sat beside Wonwoo. The younger stared at him without saying anything and the next second he took the broom and started to sweep again, making Wonwoo laugh loudly. Soonyoung stared at him for a moment and then retook his task. Wonwoo moved to do the same, emptying the trash can in the bag and then moving under the table to get a few wrappers from the floor.

Soonyoung stopped for a second staring at Wonwoo, the sudden stop of the broom brushing the floor made Mingyu turn and see Soonyoung. He chuckled. Soonyoung too a few small steps and smacked Wonwoo’s butt with the broom, the impact made the younger move forward, hitting his head on the leg of a chair and fall to the floor. The sound that was made with the hit made Mingyu laugh hysterically followed by Soonyoung snorting and laughing alongside Mingyu.

“Shut the fuck up, assholes,” Wonwoo groaned as he crawled out of the table, hitting his head a few times making the two boys keep laughing, falling into the floor. Wonoo took the plastic bag and moved towards Soonyoung, throwing the contents over his body. The older boy groaned as Mingyu laughed even louder, his laugh resonating on the walls. “Fuck you,” Wonwoo yelled as he took some trash and throw it to Mingyu. Walking closer to him, the younger moved his arms and hugged him by the waist, still laughing. Mingyu’s laugh resonated on Wonwoo’s ears, making the boy to hit the younger’s chest for his release.

It felt warm, Mingyu’s arms and the situation making him fall from his embarrassment and laugh with them, graving Mingyu’s forearms as he laughed. Clinging to him, into his laugh and smile as he also smiled.

“Let’s clean this mess,” Soonyoung said breathily, waiting for a little to regain his breathing and Mingyu moved his arms from Wonwoo, the feeling lingered on his body as he moved to help Soonyoung. Mingyu moved to keep cleaning the wall. The following hour that they were stuck on the room cleaning, was filled with laughs and smiles. Wonwoo feeling a bit more comfortable than in that same morning.

When they finished they left the trash outside and walked together. Talking and joking. Soonyoung clinging on Wonwoo’s back making the younger laugh at it. Back at home he sat on his bed and felt lonely but fought back the tears. He tried his best to not cry and lied in bed, staring at the sky, showered with stars and the moon there, shining for him. He smiled softly and closed his eyes. His heart clenching, withering.

The sun shone over his face and he turned around half opening his eyes, groaning, just a few seconds before his alarm rang against his ears. He moved his arm and hit the device throwing it to the floor but it kept ringing relentlessly. He groaned loudly and sat on the bed. He yawned and stared to the emptiness of his dorm wall. He cleaned himself and took a small fast breakfast to go to school the day ran smoothly. There was a good day going.

Wonwoo was sitting on his regular desk, free time, everyone was around jumping, talking, laughing and then he was there, his elbow on the desk and his hand pressed against his cheek as he stared at the window, watching people walking in and out on the building. Wonwoo’s attention was out of there, back in the moment when Mingyu hugged him when he clung into his forearms and couldn’t help himself but smile. The softness of his smile and Wonwoo at that moment noticed Mingyu’s crooked teeth. A charming point.

At the end of the day, he found himself recalling that moment. The closeness, a closeness that he had lived but it felt different, it felt more honest. More reassuring and natural. He was saving everything in his backpack, absentmindedly. At that moment his mind was far from home, school and even Mingyu, it was just him and the world. He walked towards the company, almost happily. He hummed as he walked on the stairs. He heard Jihoon’s characteristic laugh was heard even with the closed door. Soonyoung laugh was heard, it was naturally loud so he might be not laughing as hard as the younger. He opened the door. Soonyoung was the first turning his head, the older looked at him and burst into a loud laugh. Jihoon moved and looked at him, smirking. A smirk that was mocking, superior. Mingyu held his phone, music blasting out of the speakers. A known song but it was a popular song so he didn’t question it.

“You’re an amazing dancer Wonwoo,” Jihoon said, the mockery drew on every single bit of the sentence, Wonwoo got closer to Mingyu, when the younger was actually replaying the video.

Wonwoo stared at a stage that looked fairly familiar. People dancing a song he surely knew for whatever reason it was but then, he saw that bit of himself. It was him. Dancing, back when he was a middle schooler. Wonwoo felt hot all over his face and neck, as the blood rushed to his head, making him dizzy but not stopping him from leaning into Mingyu’s back to take the phone, everything in his mind was to destroy any evidence of that moment. He dancing awkwardly stiff in front of several people. When he reached the phone Mingyu moved the device away from him.

“Gimme that,” Wonwoo growled as he moved to catch Mingyu’s phone, the younger moved from his spot and moved far away, Wonwoo falling on the now empty chair and then falling into the floor, he felt more embarrassed, Mingyu holding his phone high enough to everybody keep watching him. He yelled in embarrassment but it didn’t stop Jihoon from laughing and Soonyoung chuckled, trying his best to not let another loud laugh. “Gimme that, asshole.”

“You look cute,” Mingyu said, smiling, his canines showing, shining and Wonwoo felt all his blood going to his head, his head red in anger and embarrassment. Nothing in Mingyu’s face said it was a mockery, that he was making fun of him but yet, there was a bit lacking of honesty. Wonwoo frowned and moved to reach Mingyu but the younger moved once again. “Absolutely cute,” Mingyu sentenced and Wonwoo ran towards him, tackling him, phone falling into the ground but not breaking, music still blasting. Wonwoo sat on Mingyu’s stomach hitting his chest with open palms.

“I hate you, I fucking hate you,” Wonwoo yelled but soon, his hands were restrained by Mingyu’s hand, he took him by the wrists and the touch was strong and it burns his skin. All his blood now moving from his face to other regions on his body, making him fight for his release and jumping away from the younger, taking the phone, turning the phone off. “How did you find that?” He asked hiding the phone from Mingyu. Jihoon was on the floor, still laughing, Soonyoung was there making his company. Wonwoo turned around to face them “Shut the hell out,” he yelled making Soonyoung stop, the older stared at him seriously a few second before bursting into a loud laugh.

“You are all red,” Soonyoung said. “You look so funny.”

Jihoon signaled him and then moved to take Soonyoung by the shoulder, “did you saw him fall from the chair?” Jihoon brokenly asked as he kept laughing.

“And the chasing,” Soonyoung added, he turned to see Mingyu, the boy was smiling, cheeks flushed and for a moment, Wonwoo stopped worrying, the whole situation made the others forget about that awkward moment he tried so bad to erase from history. Mingyu, on the other side, was far from forgetting that video, that moment and how adorable, awkward and lovable Wonwoo looked.

The trainer got in, stopping any sound, not stopping Wonwoo’s red cheeks from getting attached to his cheeks. Soonyoung and Jihoon ran outside as Wonwoo and Mingyu stayed there, starting their rehearsal. Wonwoo’s nervousness making his movements stiff and every time the trainer yelled at him it made it worse. He started to make robotic movements, making Mingyu chuckle every time.

“Let’s take a break,” the trainer groaned, glaring at Wonwoo who lied on the floor. He left the room, leaving Wonwoo and Mingyu there.

Mingyu crawled on the floor, closer to Wonwoo and he lied face down, his elbows on the floor, his chin pressed on his hands and Wonwoo turned to see him.

“You aren’t that bad,” Mingyu said with a smile. “Not now but back then…” Mingyu giggled, “you looked darn cute.” Wonwoo blushed and turned to see the ceiling.

“Thank you,” Wonwoo whispered, the soft sound of his voice made Mingyu blush. It was a sudden feeling on his chest but he was ignoring it.

The door opened and both of them turned to see the trainer, a boy following him.

“He’s the new trainee,” he said and Wonwoo moved to sit on the floor. Staring at the boy. “He’s Jang Doyoon.” Wonwoo stared at him, at the slim, delicate frame yet manly looks. He was soft, for sure, and kind and most probably gentle. His heart skipped a beat.

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

Wonwoo’s mouth was open as he stared at Doyoon as if he was surreal, a dream. Something beautiful and precious. He wanted to hold him tight against his body. Mingyu stared at Wonwoo and how delighted he looked as he stared at the new boy and he felt a sharp pain in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update. I haven't feel too hyped to keep writing this. To do anything at all since my depression had been hitting me so hard and I have no money for the psychiatrist and I'm close to be fired from my work. So I have been really bad and since I don't have with whom to talk about my work I get to be a little sadder. Anyways, I'm gonna take even longer to keep updating this story because of my emotional and health problems, I hope you understand and you can all love this lil' baby of mine. I'm taking a few chapters out because those are too much and are getting boring. I wanted to add so much meanie moments in this story but I think I'm not gonna do it anymore but I will write about those moments in another stories maybe. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you can like this story as much as I do, you can always talk about your thoughts in the comment section, I still need a beta, so if you can do that job tell me. Hope you like this. Thank you very much for reading.


	8. I accept who I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm hella gay"

Wonwoo was laying on Sooyoung’s couch, his legs tangled with the older one’s legs. He was holding the neck of a beer bottle, he was giggling nonstop and Soonyoung followed him, giggling.

“Honey,” they heard, Soonyoung sat on the couch. “Did you cleaned the mess?” Wonwoo just blinked once and Soonyoung was already on his feet, taking all his kids toys from the floor and running around the room with the toys on his arms.

After their talk, Wonwoo stayed silent, staring at the strawberries and Soonyoung felt unable to break the sudden silence. “I love him, I still do,” Wonwoo confessed, a sad smile was drawn on his lips and Soonyoung’s sad smile accompanied him. The older took the strawberries and put them in the fridge again, he turned around the table and Wonwoo followed him with the eyes, Soonyoung squawked and placed two beers on the counter. Wonwoo took one without even question it. The drank beer after beer but Soonyoung drank a little less than Wonwoo, to keep an eye on him. Wonwoo walked towards the couch mumbling stuff about how good life was and how happy he was, all in that mockery tone Soonyoung started to hate in that moment. Wonwoo sat on the couch and then leaned on it as long it was. Soonyoung accompanied him with his fourth beer of the night when Wonwoo was on his twelfth and kept drinking his own feelings and fears on it.

“Honey,” they heard again and Soonyoung stopped in the middle of the living room as steps were heard from where they were. When the older saw his wife’s shadow he threw everything to the ceiling and then he was hit by every toy in the head making him groan and complain. His wife got into the room, frowning, crossed arms and Soonyoung was almost ready to kneel and ask for forgiveness. Wonwoo was about to laugh when he saw the person that got in the room, smirking.

“Hello Yebin,” Wonwoo said making the woman look at him, white skin, slightly tanned, maybe from all the time she and Soonyoung spent on the beach with their kids. She was as tall as Wonwoo remembered but that was a long time ago, she still looked young, not many wrinkles around her eyes despite being married to Soonyoung, a silly, slightly childish man. Forgetful but lovable. Annoying but warm. She opened her eyes in surprise and Wonwoo couldn’t help but chuckle at her sight and the wrinkle. She had some.

“Sunbaenim,” she said surprised making Wonwoo laugh and take another sip from his beer.

“Call me Wonwoo,” he said a little tire and he sat on the couch and stared at her. “You’re still really pretty, why didn’t I marry you?”

Soonyoung moved from his spot to stand in front of Yebin, “Wait there gay boy, don’t try to steal my wife,” Soonyoung said making Wonwoo laugh and take another sip of the bottle, finding it empty, and throwing it on the carpet. Yebin poked her head out of his husband’s back to stare at Wonwoo.

“That’s right, I’m gay,” Wonwoo said letting a short, dry laugh into the air. “Is it gay to want your ass ripped in a regular basis?” Wonwoo asked, making Soonyoung laugh at how much the younger had kept inside of him until that moment when the situation called for it in his drunkenness state.

“Yes, it is,” Soonyoung asked as he walked towards Wonwoo.

“Then, I’m hella gay,” Wonwoo said with a smile and stared at Soonyoung, signaling him with a shaking arm, not actually able to point him out. “You shouldn’t be scared,” he said grinning. “I’d rather steal you from her.” Wonwoo laughed strongly making Yebin move to hit her husband to shush Wonwoo.

“Hey buddy, shut the fuck up, my kids are sleeping,” Soonyoung kneeled in front of Wonwoo, taping his knee, slowly, reassuring and the younger one moved from his place to kiss Soonyoung, his lips just tightly pressed against the older, no intention to move or do anything. They heard Yebin’s surprised gasp. Wonwoo released him, falling on top of him as he started to cry.

“I miss him so bad,” Wonwoo sobbed as he curled on Soonyoung’s chest. Yebin moved from her spot to get closer to Soonyoung but the older brushed his hand away.

“Hey, buddy,” Soonyoung said playfully making Wonwoo snort. “I’ll let you sleep in the guest room but you’re quite heavy.” Wonwoo laughed and he moved to sit on the floor and Soonyoung did the same. Wonwoo smelled like beer, drunk, he stood up and pulled Wonwoo to the guest room, the younger one was still crying, sobbing loudly. Soonyoung left him to fall into the mattress and Wonwoo curled, still crying, Soonyoung sat on the edge of the bed and caressed Wonwoo’s back. “How long has it been?” Wonwoo moved to stare at him, to stare at Soonyoung’s questioning eyes, wondering and pitying him. Wonwoo turned away from him, staring at the wall, at an empty point and in his head there was his smile, soft and warm, so unique and, by that time, so his, only his.

“Always,” Wonwoo said moving his arms to hug himself. “Since I left him, I missed him since the moment I asked him to end everything.”  Soonyoung moved and lied on the bed, moving his arm to hug the younger, making him cry louder, mumbling how much he had loved the man he left so many years ago. Soonyoung hugged him until Wonwoo fell asleep. He stood up and moved to take a blanket, placing it over Wonwoo, caressing his face, feeling the younger looked as young as he was when he stopped watching him. So young and so stupid. The last bit didn’t change over the years, nevertheless a responsible person that took a decision and kept it until the very end. Until he couldn’t take it anymore.

Soonyoung left the room, closing the door carefully. Yebin was standing outside and when he faced her, she moved to hug him, the older got comfortable to bury his face on his wife’s shoulder.

“Is he okay?” She asked, worried. Soonyoung moved to see her face. The soft features breaking into a worried look, making her wrinkle show and he smiled caressing her face and she leaned in his hand.

“You’re beautiful,” Soonyoung said making her frown at the way the older had ignored her question, Soonyoung smiled when he saw her frown, leaning to kiss her. “He isn’t fine, he had never been fine.”

“Why?” She asked as she moved to take her husband's hand, intertwining their fingers. “What was that about him being gay?” Soonyoung smiled bitterly and pulled her wife hand towards the living room, sitting her on the couch, taking both of her hands. Staring at her face and as the silence grew she started to feel scared.

“I know you’re friends with Chaeyeon but we hated her,” Soonyoung said, “I did, Mingyu did, Jihoon does, Seungcheol did, Minghao does, Dokyeom did, Chan did, Jisoo did, Jun, Jeonghan, Hansol, and Seungkwan despised her. She destroyed Wonwoo’s happiness, the happiness we all tried to keep even if it was hard.” Yebin moved her hands to release herself from Soonyoung’s touch.

“He loved her,” she cried.

“He hated her, he hated her because she never stopped chasing him, no matter how many times he said he was already in love with someone else.”

“Who he loved?”

Soonyoung smiled bitterly, “He loved the kindest man in the world and that man loved him recklessly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm introducing new characters. I don't know from where this came from but I believe they would be a great couple. Even despite de age gap. Anyways, did I mention this was backfiring me? The main ship is there but this still me trying to make this a "mistery" jajajajaja
> 
> I hope you liked this, I'm so sorry about the late updates but I swear to god that you would love what comes after this sooo much. Anyways, if you need some info about what they do once I introduce them I can answer it.


	9. I'm too close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lie that was seen throughout

Wonwoo was infatuated by Doyoon. There was something the older did and Wonwoo couldn’t help but sigh as he stared at him. The story about the middle school video died soon as it came to their lives. They were busy with rehearsing, Wonwoo and Mingyu got stuck together most of the time, now, their vocal lessons were shared with Doyoon, making Wonwoo give more of his own effort to leave the older boy impressed with his abilities. Most of the time Doyoon smiled and clapped happily, yet Doyoon did it with everyone. Doyoon was kind, gentle. He was warm and always gave people his attention and care. Wonwoo was sitting as he watched Doyoon sing, a little clumsy wording, and shaking tone but Wonwoo smiled and admired him as if he had the most wonderful voice in the world.

When the session ended Wonwoo stood up walking towards him, blushing like a schoolgirl in love and he was, indeed, a schoolboy in love. Mingyu took Wonwoo’s wrist, pulling him back but the older released himself and went towards Doyoon, smiling. The older boy smiled back and started a small, meaningless chat with Wonwoo. Doyoon’s hand moved towards Wonwoo’s shoulder, tapping it as he laughed and Wonwoo melted.

Wonwoo was surely having the most intense crush he had ever had. It wasn’t the same as it was back when his old girlfriend which he has kissed as if he would never do it again. Feelin like he was leaving his soul with her and giving his all every time. When he broke up with her, he knew he was just leaving the moment, this time, he left his soul at every touch, he felt sad and broken, he felt a rush of happiness going through every bit of his body and it didn’t stop his shyness from overcoming him.

He was walking towards the company, almost jumping as Doyoon had wished him a good morning, the first thing in the morning and it made him the happiest, as he walked, turning around a corner, he saw a tall, know figure and he stopped. He was witnessing Mingyu pushing a woman against a wall, caressing her face, brushing her hair away from her face. Smiling sweetly and then, the younger had pressed his lips against hers, moving them softly, her hands moved to his hair and Wonwoo felt his heart drop. His stomach felt heavy and it felt hard to breath. He held his breath as long as the kiss lasted. He took a deep breath and started to sob, hiccuping as tears fell from his eyes without a slight warning. He stepped back and disappeared on the corner he just came from. He fell to the floor and kept crying until he couldn’t shed another tear, he stood up and moved to see if Mingyu was still there but the younger was long gone. He walked, still sobbing and his overflowing happiness was gone and he felt he never felt happy in the first place, not even when he got Doyoon’s messages asking him, worriedly, where he was. It felt like his world was gone, and that he never felt something for the older boy but he wasn’t understanding why he was reacting like that like his body was doing things against his will. He walked as he kept sobbing, not able to stop, feeling like all his world crumbled but the reason skipped his head. When he got into the building, walking towards the regular room where they shared singing lessons, he found Mingyu walking towards, him, smiling widely.

“Hyung,” Mingyu chanted happily, walking towards him, pressing his hands over Wonwoo’s shoulder but the older brushed his hands away in a rude manner, frowning. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Wonwoo answered and pushed Mingyu away, starting to walk but he stopped. “You know you have lipstick smeared on the corner of your lip?” Wonwoo said, turning to see Mingyu covering his lips.

Wonwoo snorted and kept walking. Angry and sad, feeling something close to an empty stomach but sick the same. He walked towards the waiting room, finding Jihoon and Soonyoung quarreling. Soonyoung got closer to the younger, taking him by the arms, the younger moved his arms to free himself and pushed Soonyoung, making him fall to the floor. It was too fast but the younger moved towards them, jumping over the table as Jihoon moved to hit Soonyoung, stopping him. Pushing him away and taking him by the wrists.

“What’s wrong with you?” Wonwoo groaned. Soonyoung moved and pushed him away, standing in front of Jihoon as the younger pushed him again with his open palms and he kept doing it until his hands were pressed against Soonyoung’s chest, pulling his shirt. Jihoon released him and the older moved to hug him, pressing him strongly against his chest. “What’s happening?” Wonwoo mumbled and Soonyoung moved one of his hands to press his finger against his lips, shushing Wonwoo, then he waved his hand to make him leave, Wonwoo got the hint and walked away

Wonwoo closed the door, Mingyu was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall and moved when he saw someone stepping out of the room.

“You saw me, right?” Mingyu said as Wonwoo closed the door.

“Yes, I did,” Wonwoo answered without moving, his hands pressed against the door, tapping it softly as Mingyu stared at him.

“Don’t think something wrong about me,” Mingyu said almost like a plead. Wonwoo glanced at him then, moved back towards the wall in front of him.

“You said you broke up with her because you wanted to fulfill your dreams,” Wonwoo said, still tapping the door, the sound wasn't heard but it was calming the same.

“It was more complicated than that,” Mingyu said, not taking his eyes from Wonwoo. From the way, he was avoiding to look at him and the way his fingers were around his wrist and the others taping on the door.

“What could be that complicated to keep lying?” Wonwoo asked, almost yelling, all his body feeling hot as his blood boiled.

“It’s not complicated,” Mingyu confessed, “but it isn’t something I can say freely.” Wonwoo turned to see him, Mingyu was looking at his hands. His legs pressed against his chest, arms over his knees, playing with his fingers. “I might tell you someday,” he said and turned to see Wonwoo, but he stopped to look at his hand, fingertips pressed against the door and he could see them turning white. “Not now, but I will.” Wonwoo sighed, he moved his hands to slip and sit on the floor, pressing his arm against Mingyu.

“I want you to be honest with yourself, don’t do anything stupid,” Wonwoo said and hit Mingyu’s shoulder before standing up. “Never ever try to lie to yourself,” he finished and walked away, a heavy feeling against his chest but relieved at some extent.

Wonwoo walked away, Mingyu kept his eyes on him, smiling softly. A smile was barely seen by someone else but he knew his lips were curved in that little smile. He stood up and walked the opposite direction. Wonwoo walked and got into a room that was supposed to be alone. There was Doyoon, hugging Seungcheol as the older cried. As his sobbing was heard the moment he opened the door but the boy didn’t move to meet Wonwoo, he turned to hide his face and tears. Doyoon, on the other hand, stood up to walk towards Wonwoo.

“What’s happening?” Wonwoo asked and Doyoon turned, taking him by the shoulders and pushing him out. “Hyung?”

“Not of your business, get out,” Doyoon hissed as the door was closed on his nose, missing to hit it by mere millimeters. Wonwoo stood there, feeling his heart had been stepped on, after a few minutes, when he started to hear their voices, he moved. He walked towards wherever his feet moved him to. He tried his best to avoid Mingyu, maybe going back to Soonyoung and Jihoon was a good idea. So he went back to the regular training room but stopped, jumping a few steps of the stair as he went to the open room, the place was like a cafeteria, with tables and a coffee machine, they eat their meals there. That way they wouldn’t need to smell their food after eating it.

Every step started to feel heavy, tiresome and he wanted to stop everything. He hadn’t felt it before. The moment he saw Mingyu with someone else he felt sad but also mad. The way Soonyoung and Jihoon fought, it wasn’t merely anger in it, it was a broken trust, it was intimacy and closeness, Seungcheol and Doyoon were the same, it was intimacy and trust. Something he felt he was far from experiencing. He was good with loneliness and solitude but he was craving that intimacy, to share something you haven’t been sharing with someone else. Something within him kept him afraid from getting that intimacy. He jumped the last step, almost losing his balance but he held on the handrail. He was scared of being close and get hurt but being this far away from people, watching them grow closer was even more painful.

He opened the door, finding Jihoon and Soonyoung sitting in one of the small tables, Soonyoung turned to see him as Jihoon stared his cup absentmindedly. The older waved his hand and Wonwoo walked towards them, taking a chair and sitting on the same table with them.

“Is there something wrong?” Wonwoo asked and Jihoon moved to meet his eyes. Wonwoo looked at Jihoon’s glassy eyes. It wasn’t just sadness, there was something else mixed in it but he couldn’t get what it was. Guilt, perhaps.

“They moved the new group's line up,” Jihoon said as he tapped his cup. “They kicked Seungcheol out.” Wonwoo stared at the younger with open eyes, he couldn’t say anything, Jihoon looked at him. “I envied him, I feel it’s my fault.”

“You were kicked out too, it was normal to feel like that,” Soonyoung said making Jihoon blush.

“You were?” Wonwoo asked in a whisper.

“It was before you came it was a line up I didn’t fit in,” Jihoon said, stopping the tapping and holding the cup stronger, almost making the contents fall, Soonyoung moved his hand to caress his hand.

Wonwoo stared at him before moving his own hand to caress Jihoon’s forearm, “you did nothing wrong, and your time will come soon enough,” he side with a smile and Jihoon smiled at him.

“You’re different,” Jihoon said.

Wonwoo smiled and got up, it seemed like the day was off, he went to take his jacket and walked outside. Mingyu was there, leaning against the company's sign. Wonwoo looked at him. At his young-ish looks and smiled at him as he covered himself better. It was a little cold and windy, Mingyu was standing there, his hands in the pockets of his coat and when he saw the older smiled, showing those canines that Wonwoo started to admire.

“Are you gonna stay?” Wonwoo asked when he stood beside Mingyu, feeling a little warmness beside him. There were a few seconds of silence and the older turned to see Mingyu, staring silently at him, making him blush but the lack of light made it easy to miss. “Mingyu?”

The younger laughed slightly. “I’m waiting for her,” Mingyu answered and Wonwoo looked away, opening his mouth but nothing came from it. Wonwoo looked at his feet, kicking the ground.

“Then, I’m leaving,” Wonwoo said and moved but Mingyu took him by the arm and pulled him into an embrace, it was fast and short but it came warm and Wonwoo craved it like he never craved anything else but the feeling disappeared as he walked further away from him. It wasn’t just the physical feeling but the emotional, as Wonwoo felt closer to Mingyu, the younger pulled him away from him yet, he never released him. As if Mingyu wanted him close but just, not _too_ close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try my best, so if there's any mistake, tell me at once. I would be glad to read your coments about my grammar and sintaxis mistakes. Things are getting good in the chapter I am writing so far and I'm crying out of happiness and sadness, I didn't write a single word the past last week. Well, just 30 words. I'm gonna try to make up for it.


	10. I go with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A revelation.

Wonwoo was sitting on the table, eating his food. That day they had been asked to stay in the company building for almost the whole day since the lasts days they had been free. They have enjoyed a few free days and now they had to recover from those days. Wonwoo didn’t do anything interesting. He stayed at home, reading some books and listening to music. Soonyoung had called him to hang out but the younger had rejected him almost all the times but one. The approval from Wonwoo made Soonyoung yell all excited. Wonwoo felt scared and excited. Soonyoung hadn’t told him who were going but he was sure it was everyone. It made him nervous. He was happy to be invited but he was him, it was hard to open up to everyone. Soonyoung had it easy most of the time. It was like the older floated around everyone and filled them with joy and happiness. With an overwhelming easiness.

Wonwoo was in front of his mirror, staring at his clothing. He turned around, looking at how his coat danced around him and he frowned, taking it off and throw it on the bed, he stared at his button up shirt and started to unbutton it, almost ripping every button. He then, proceed to take his jeans, staring at his naked body. At his small arms, different from Seungcheol’s big arms and broad shoulders. His legs were skinny, almost in the bone, different from Soonyoung’s muscly legs and his face wasn’t as beautiful as Mingyu’s face, he stared at himself and for a moment he hated himself, at how he lacked on everything. He took a deep breath trying to not cry, trying to not call and say that he couldn’t make it. Wonwoo walked towards his closet, taking a black turtleneck and a pair of dark blue jeans then took a baseball jacket, black, red and white, the jacket made his shoulders a little broader. He liked it. Wonwoo went to the living room, he waved his goodbye to his mother.

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo heard and turned to see his brother. He was almost as tall as Wonwoo, he had the same face shape but he had shorter hair. He had a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of pants, with no intention of going out his house that day. “Hyung?”

“I’m fine,” Wonwoo said with a small smile on his lips. His brother stared at him, raising his eyebrow. “Everything is okay.”

“Who do you try to impress?” Wonwoo looked at him intently, “It’s a normal outfit but you look good.” Wonwoo laughed.

“Maybe a girl I can meet,” Wonwoo said with a smile, his brother raised his shoulders and tilted his head.

“Whatever you say.” He turned around and walked away, Wonwoo blushed and it took a few seconds to move from his spot, leaving his house.

He started to feel hot, ashamed even. He just tried to look good, without any reason in particular. Just jealousy. He wanted to outshine them, look better, be better, all the eyes on him. Not all. He walked absentmindedly, nervous, his world stopping. The fear, the need everything blending in his head, craving into his skin, burning, hurting. It was like he desired everything despite his fear but that fear hurt him because everything was so close yet so far. All the thoughts and feelings drowned him into that pitch black lake in his mind, where he was alone and there wasn’t anyone else to help him. He was alone in that place like everyone was and he loved it, yet, hated it with his whole heart. He stopped for a moment, wanting to run away from everything inside his head and he felt the air was barely getting into his lungs but a soft smile, full of warmness, full of love came into his head and the enormous lake that was drowning him became a puddle and he swam in it. Clinging into that smile and the canines that shone under the light. Clinging on the feeling on his chest. He kept walking, almost running, wanting to be around those arms, being held tightly and smell a cologne, strong and not fitting the boy using it.

Soonyoung distracted him, yelling at him, he wasn’t running, he was walking but in his head, he was running towards him until everything vanished. Soonyoung was waving his hand towards him, yelling and calling his name with excitement, beside him was Jihoon and Seungcheol, Jihoon looked bored and Seungcheol was busy talking with some guys he knew were from the new group and friends of Seungcheol, there were a few girls, also from the company, talking wit Doyoon, the older talked happily with them laughing without any fear. Mingyu was there too, his arm around a young woman, fair skin that contrasted with Mingyu’s skin. She had stunning red lips and long black hair. She leaned to giggle on Mingyu’s ear and the younger laughed. She kissed Mingyu’s cheek and Wonwoo wanted to run away but he was there and everyone had seen him, even him, so he kept walking. When he was within reach Soonyoung hugged him strongly making him chuckle.

“You’re late,” Jihoon hissed making Wonwoo laugh and move to fickle his forehead.

“I know you might see them before but you might not know them,” Soonyoung said signaling the people talking with Seungcheol. They were all handsome in their own way. “He’s Baekho hyung,” he said and the boy bowed politely and Wonwoo did the same. He was as tall as Seungcheol, he looked mature and had broad shoulders. Dark hair, short and styled already, he had the aura of an idol, too far of how he had felt. “Jonghyun hyung,” Soonyoung said and Wonwoo bowed. He was tall and handsome and almost get lost in his eyes, dark, deep and secretive. “And Minki Hyung,” Soonyoung said, Wonwoo stared at the boy. He had soft, feminine features yet his stare, the way the boy looked at him, with deep eyes he knew, Minki wasn’t afraid of his feminine looks, no, he used it to his favor because he had that manly aura surrounding him. He had blonde hair that came to hi his shoulders. He was well dressed and hi couldn’t take his eyes off him. It wasn’t until Mingyu faked a cough. Wonwoo turned to see him with red tinted cheeks.

“You look good, hyung,” Mingyu said, his voice shaking.

“Thank you,” Wonwoo said and he could hear the girls giggling. Doyoon moved to hug him, dragging him closer to them.

“You have a really deep voice Oppa,” one said, with a blush on her cheeks. Wonwoo stared at them and he knew all of them would be younger than him by a couple of years, but one, tall and beautiful with tanned skin, dark hair and deep eyes. Eyes that held the strong power of dreams and desire. He stared at her, the longest, until Doyoon shook him up, telling him all their names, at the end when everyone started walking towards their destination, he whispered their ages, all younger than him, everyone but the tall one. She was serious and kept a close eye on all the girls, taking care of them as a mom.

“Junghyeon isn’t coming?” Jihoon asked and the tall one, that Doyoon had identified as Nayoung, turned around to see him, to glare at him, frowning.

“No,” she answered, the cold, dry answer made Jihoon blush. Wonwoo glanced at him, at how he shyly looked at the ground and by the corner of his eye, he could see Mingyu. Looking at him, staring, like waiting for something but then, the same moment he actually turned to see him, he placed a kiss on her lips, fast, short but heartbreaking the same. It was a new feeling. Why was he feeling he was losing him?

“Did you know?” Wonwoo asked and Doyoon at his side looked at him then at Mingyu, nodding.

“He wasn’t subtle,” Doyoon said and looked at Wonwoo, he studied Wonwoo and the younger waited for him to say something, to finish that sentence but nothing came and as he admired the older, at how his eyebrows came together in a slight frown, not in anger but questioning. They walked towards the amusement park.

A young woman, Jieqiong, called him, brushing her hair behind her ear. Wonwoo admired her. Her hair was long, dark, if he could bet, he would say it was black, dark, framing her face, and the strand she pushed behind her ear made her look stunning. She was still young and her face had those little things that drove Wonwoo away, she had potential. To be beautiful, to be a woman but she was a child, just like him. She had red cheeks and she tried her best to not mumble, to not get stuck on the words but it was a hard deal since her knowledge of the language was still growing. He smiled at her cuteness and helped her. He felt like he should and she stuck to him the whole day, taking his arm, pulling him into games and into places, he smiled because she was nice and warm. She had left his arm go to join the others, Seungcheol stood beside him and Wonwoo looked at him as he moved to sit.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Seungcheol said and Wonwoo looked at him. “I mean it, they’re here because we’re in the same boat, I don’t want any of them quit because you’re being an idiot.” Wonwoo looked at him with his eyes open.

“I never intended that I’m just being nice,” Wonwoo said and he looked at the girls, in a shop, all giggling and smiling, he spotted Jieqiong and he felt nothing. “She’s as old as my younger brother,” he finished and looked at Seungcheol. “Don’t worry about that.”

“I’m just saying it,” Seungcheol said, raising his shoulders. “I told the same to Mingyu.”

Wonwoo nodded, “Where’s he?”

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Seungcheol answered as he stood up but before he could walk away, he took Seungcheol’s wrist. His fingers shaking.

“When you told him, what did he say?” Wonwoo asked and released Seungcheol’s hand

“He said we should enjoy our youth,” Seungcheol answered. “I would never believe he was that kind of person.”

“He isn’t,” Wonwoo said and looked at Seungcheol. “I don’t actually know why but I know he isn’t that kind of person.”

“If you say so,” Seungcheol said and walked away.

Wonwoo watched him disappear and wondered, was it right to have faith in Mingyu despite everything? He had lied once, it could even be twice but he wasn’t sure of it, so once, then twice when he said he loved his ex-girlfriend but that could be a lie he told himself, maybe he was just blinded and at the end he believed he was in love but then he realized he wasn’t in love after all. Wonwoo moved to see Jieqiong walking towards him, the boys were arguing some which attraction got in next, Soonyoung and Jihoon disappeared and when he saw Jieqiong smiling shyly, walking towards him. It was the feeling that accompanied him that made him look around, finding Mingyu, alone walking towards him and his heart exploded. He saw Mingyu’s shy smile, the one in which he wasn’t able to see the canines or the crooked teeth, lips pressed together, pushing his cheeks upwards and everything suddenly stopped to that moment.

“WONWOO!” He heard making the boy look at Soonyoung, palms pressed on the table and a frown on his face. “Are you down to earth?” Wonwoo looked up to him as he moved his fork absentmindedly.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, what’s wrong?” Wonwoo asked and Soonyoung frowned.

“They’re calling us upstairs, so move,” he hissed making Wonwoo blink once and twice before the older moved, walking towards the door. Wonwoo just looking at him before he gathered his stuff, putting the remaining, cold food on the small fridge they had. He walked, jumping every other step. His mind driving to that moment, that moment when everything just vanished, that moment in which he found himself running towards Mingyu, until his arms were around him, feeling everything went too fast and he wanted the world stop to be able to held Mingyu for an eternity. Wonwoo opened the door, finding, everyone there, a few new trainees he hadn’t been able to talk with. There were two new persons there. New trainees, he walked in and he saw Mingyu glancing at him, making him walk to the opposite side.

“They are the new trainees, Boo Seungkwan and Chwe Hansol,” the staff said and Wonwoo looked at them. They were young and they seemed kind and innocent. The staff said something else but Wonwoo wasn’t hearing it as he watched the new boys as if something was there but there was nothing, it was just his head trying to ignore Mingyu’s glance. To ignore the much need he had to be closer to the younger. When the staff disappeared behind the closed the door, everyone moved to surround the new boys and he stayed in his spot, turning to see Mingyu staring at him, with a wide, playful smile.

His body hit Mingyu’s inhaling his cologne, his arms went around the younger’s waist, holding strongly on the shirt at his back, almost crying in need and he almost did when Mingyu hugged him back.

“Hyung,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo woke up from his daydream, jumping away from him blushing, running to the new recruits, trying his best to avoid the awkward feeling growing in his chest. They were already talking with the younger boys. Hansol was a bit awkward but Seungkwan was different, already joking with the others, and Soonyoung was even more excited with him, with his easy going personality. Wonwoo moved close to Soonyoung, moving his hands around the older’s waist, making him jump but he laughed at the end, holding Wonwoo’s hands without breaking the small chit chat, glancing once in a while towards Mingyu. The younger was acting as anything was wrong. Everything was just fine.

And everything was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got good and bad news. 
> 
> Good news (for me) I've got a new job! Congrats to this lil' woman, the bad thing it's a full time one that (again good news for me) got me a few courses online that I'll have to do outside my working time sooo I might not have as much time to write or update but I'll try to give myself time for everything. Another good new it's that I started to write the chapter when Mingyu and Wonwoo are doing the do. Bad or good, whoever you want to take it I have about 3,150 words and they aren't fully into it but almost, almost. They are getting ready for it. And spoiler! It's soooooooooffffttttt I'm melting with them.


	11. I miss you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confession

_ Dear Mingyu _

_I miss you. I love you and I will always love you, hope you can forgive me._

_~~Always yours~~ , Jeon Wonwoo._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this it's the shortest chapter I ever wrote for a Chapter but it means a lot. I still don't know when I'm gonna update, so I'm really sorry this chapter it's short but good knews I finished writing Mingyu and Wonwoo's first time and all can tell you it's SWEET! I love it, hope you can love it too.


	12. I get jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Double Update**

Seungkwan got accustomed to everything easily, Hansol did the same and as both of them were the younger ones, they glued together. It was nice to see, the way Hansol rested his head on Seungkwan’s shoulder. They were comfortable around each other. It was cozy to see them. Wonwoo glanced at them as they sat together in the practice room, the younger was a little sleepy and Seungkwan was humming a lullaby as he stroked Hansol’s leg. Wonwoo looked again to the book on his hands but he found himself unable to keep reading and he closed his book. There weren’t any more thoughts about that moment on the amusement park. He saw Mingyu with her more often after that. After he had shown a side of himself he didn’t even know existed until that very moment. Jihoon sat at his side with his tablet on hand. He placed his earbuds in his ears and then he looked at Wonwoo, looking intensely at him.

“What?” Jihoon groaned, taking out one of his earpieces. Wonwoo blinked twice before he smiled awkwardly towards him.

“There’s nothing,” Wonwoo answered and Jihoon placed his earbud again on his ear and moved something on his tablet and he started to move his head and his lips, maybe trying to memorize a song. When Jihoon started to sing he stood up to give the boy some space. Seungkwan and Hansol fell asleep a few minutes before that, Seungkwan’s head resting on top Hansol’s head. Wonwoo walked on the empty corridors, the sound muffled by the walls, he was walking without any thought in his head, he had lost track of time when they were told to had finished their activities for the day. Soonyoung had decided to keep polishing his dancing and Mingyu took the opportunity to ask for some help to the older. Seungcheol and Doyoon disappeared together. Joking and laughing loudly for everyone to hear as he hadn’t heard them for awhile, they more likely left the building long ago. Wonwoo felt the need to find an empty place in an overly crowded place. He opened the door. When he took a step inside, he gasped, a short sound that was audible enough to be heard by the people inside, he stepped back and closed the door and started to walk away, not breathing with his fist tightly closed.

“Hey, hyung,” he heard making him walk even faster. “Stop, wait,” Mingyu cried, and walked even faster, taking Wonwoo’s arm. “Wait please.”

Wonwoo moved to free himself from the younger’s and his skin stung at the touch. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Mingyu asked, crying. “Please don’t let anybody know what you saw there.” Wonwoo frowned moving to hit Mingyu’s chest.

“Fuck off,” Wonwoo hissed and he moved to walk away and Mingyu took his arm once again.

“Promise it, please,” Mingyu cried and Wonwoo freed himself to hit him in the face.

“Go to hell.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Mingyu cried as rubbed his cheek. Wonwoo stared at him feeling like crying.

“I’m so fucking mad but I don’t know why I’m mad at you,” Wonwoo moved from his spot to hug Mingyu but the younger moved backward. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand you,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo took him by the wrists. The older started crying, feeling something growing on his chest. Mingyu tried to free himself until he saw Wonwoo crying and the younger moved to hug him, Wonwoo answered the hug, holding Mingyu’s shirt, clinging onto him like there was nothing else on the world. They held each other for a while and as Wonwoo kept holding on Mingyu, he felt how he wanted to spill something, choking on the words he didn’t even know.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo repeated and when the older moved and Mingyu could see his face, the younger pressed Wonwoo stronger against his chest feeling hurt, feeling like he needed Wonwoo to be even closer to him, that he needed to meet with him. They got interrupted by Seungcheol’s loud laugh.

If Wonwoo was honest, he felt like they were doing something they shouldn’t be doing. It was more than just a hug between friend, it felt more than that, it felt like they were sharing something, like being intimate but at the same, it felt like they were holding something from each other. It was intimacy surrounded by secrets and Wonwoo loved that intimacy loved the way Mingyu made him feel. He felt like never before, yet his eyes wandered from Mingyu to everyone else because, he wasn’t understanding the way he felt. He knew he was feeling something, that was for sure, but he didn’t know exactly what, not with all those blushes and with all the heat on his body, making him hard to do anything else but crave for Mingyu’s touch. Needing him as he never needed someone before.

“Did you heard it?” Seungcheol asked, ignoring the tension and the awkward feelings surrounding Wonwoo and Mingyu.

“What?” Wonwoo asked and faked a cough.

“They said we could appear on the boy's music video,” Seungcheol said almost jumping making Wonwoo forget his initial awkwardness and laugh with him, Mingyu pushed him aside and took Seungcheol by the shoulders.

“Does that mean I’m gonna be able to shine as an actor?” Mingyu asked, with serious eyes and low tone making Wonwoo and Seungcheol laugh loudly, almost falling into the floor.

“I think the one that’s gonna shine is Doyoon,” Seungcheol said and pushed Mingyu carefully to the side and walked past them. They watched him disappear.

“You an actor?” Wonwoo asked and Mingyu looked at him. “Don’t make me laugh.” Mingyu frowned and hit him playfully on the shoulder.

“You a dancer?” He said, using the same tone Wonwoo used a few seconds before. “Don’t make me laugh.” Wonwoo moved to hit Mingyu but missed, and then they started to laugh, quarreling playfully, forgetting what brought them to that point and how much they wanted to melt with each other.


	13. I'm honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Double Update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Double Update**

Wonwoo opened his eyes, not remembering where he was, the light came from the window on the right side of the bed and he turned, grumbling, his head feeling heavy and everything was blurry, nonetheless, he could smell the faint smell of coffee. He stood up but the pain in his head was strong, making him dizzy, making him stop for a few seconds before he stood walking towards the door. It was a new thing for him, the music and the happy humming that came after opening the door. It was like a punch on his face, the bright light, even brighter than in the room as every curtain was open, giving Sooyoung's house a divine feel and it was close to being true for Wonwoo, the older man turned around, looking as young as the last time Wonwoo saw him, with that lively aura, full of positivity.

“You woke up,” Soonyoung chanted happily and Wonwoo groaned at the sound, loud and slightly high pitched. Soonyoung chuckled at the look on Wonwoo’s face. “I know you hate coffee but I made you some, or do you want a soup?”

“Coffee it’s fine,” Wonwoo said as he walked towards him, Soonyoung moved graciously on the kitchen as if he was used to be there, to move around and he liked it. Soonyoung moved like he liked being in the kitchen. He took a cup, a funny cup and poured the coffee on it.

“Since when do you drink coffee?” Soonyoung asked as he poured a cup for himself. Wonwoo moved to sit on the counter, his hands tightly pressed against the ceramic, making his fingertips white. The younger smiled bitterly.

“Where’s Yebin?” Wonwoo asked, looking at Soonyoung and saw how his face illuminated. Wonwoo knew, from the moment he had released the marriage news that Soonyoung was clearly in love by the way he looked at her that moment, the way he spoke about her but now, when he saw how his face illuminated just by the mere mention of her, he knew the love lasted all that time and grew stronger.

“She took the kids to school and she’ll stay in the studio,” Soonyoung answered and took a sip from his cup, Wonwoo followed him. “We can talk freely, for all those years.” Wonwoo smiled shyly and took another sip. “Since when do you drink coffee?”

“Since I married,” Wonwoo answered. “Chaeyeon never took a few minutes to ask me if I liked it and I drank too much.” Wonwoo took another sip and frowned at the bitterness. He looked at Soonyoung, at his surprised face and he couldn’t hold back a smirk. “It was hard for me too, you know,” Wonwoo said slowly, almost like a whisper.

“I actually, don’t know,” Soonyoung said. “You took your choice without telling and then left, we weren’t angry, just worried, we wanted the best for the both of you.”

“I made a stupid choice,” Wonwoo said, looking at his cup.

“Do you wanna tell me?” Soonyoung asked, looking at Wonwoo’s cup before taking a sip of his coffee.

“What do you want to know?” Wonwoo asked with a sad smile on his lips.

“Do you ever tried to go back?” Soonyoung asked and took a sip of his coffee, Wonwoo snorted a dry laugh, it was short and painful, it had been all those feelings buried in his heart and won his mind.

“Since the very first moment when I closed the door, I regret it every second,” Wonwoo answered.

“Did you ever cheated on him?”

“Not before I married her,” Wonwoo said, “I still feel like I’m cheating on him.”

“Did you cheated on her?” Soonyoung asked and Wonwoo looked at him, frowning.

“I believe I did,” Wonwoo said and took a sip on his coffee, feeling that the taste on it was every moment stronger. “When I left him I started to drink, you know to bury the feelings, it became stronger after I got married,” Wonwoo said and played with the cup, turning it, looking the liquid move over and over again. “I called him, to hear his voice or his voicemail,” Wonwoo confessed with red cheeks. “Some of those times, I was drunk enough so I just masturbated hearing his voice, he might thought I was sort of a crazy fan and he changed his number,” Wonwoo said. “I couldn’t ask for his number so I waited to see him on tv and he got those acting roles…” Wonwoo blushed a deep red tone. “He was everything in my head.” Wonwoo looked at Soonyoung and smiled. “It was my pride, I loved my family and I loved him, I had to make a choice.”

“It was something else, your family would understand it eventually,” Soonyoung said and he moved to place his cup on the sink, Wonwoo stood up and walked to stand next to him. He poured the remaining of the coffee in the sink.

“It was easy,” Wonwoo said. “Being with her was easy.” Soonyoung looked at him but he couldn’t say a word as Wonwoo continued, “Being with him was amazing, he was my first time, not my first time with a guy but my first time ever, he was the beginning and my end.”

“You were also his end,” Soonyoung said as he opened the water flow, Wonwoo stood up beside him, looking at the window. “He got married.”

“I know…” Wonwoo said, holding the porcelain strongly.

“Seungkwan and Hansol left,” Soonyoung said, “they got married in the states and stayed there. He, he stayed for you, he waited for you and it took him a while before he could get to be with someone,” Soonyoung closed the water flow and looked at Wonwoo. “It didn’t work out because he still loved you.”

“When I knew he was with someone I felt betrayed, I felt hurt that he was with someone else, that he was enjoying it, enjoying to be with someone,” Wonwoo said slowly then he left out a low laugh. “Then, I remembered that he might felt the same way but he didn’t know I craved him, every time I was with her I wished it was him, I needed him but I was there stuck with a woman I never loved and with my pride, I couldn’t go back to him, crawling, begging him to forgive me, to love me again, to take me in every way…” Wonwoo said crying, every word made him cry louder. “But I really wanted it, crawl and beg to be with him, I wanted to be forgiven but I knew I didn’t deserve such thing.”

“He would have forgiven you,” Soonyoung said and looked at Wonwoo, the boy, looking smaller, younger, crying, without holding any sound of it.

Wonwoo smiled, a sad expression as the tears kept flowing, falling, and it wasn’t a happy expression, it was hurtful, “that doesn’t mean I deserved to be forgiven.”

“Isn’t your pain enough?” Soonyoung asked, and Wonwoo laughed, a short laugh, tinted with a playful feeling.

“I believe it was hard for both us but it was harder for him,” Wonwoo said, “I got someone and I left him alone.” Soonyoung moved to take Wonwoo’s face, cleaning the tears but they kept flowing and flowing.

“You were also alone,” Soonyoung said. “You were with her, only with her, he got us, he had his friends giving him love and support, you got nothing of that. You got a woman that barely knew you, that care too little to know you and just wanted you on a whim. You got less and too little.” Soonyoung finished taking his hands away from Wonwoo, looking at how he had left Wonwoo’s face even wetter than before. Laughing. The younger laughed at Soonyoung’s laugh, tears still falling from his eyes but feeling younger and lighter than ever before. “If you got the chance if you got to be able to be with him, would you get back to him?”

Wonwoo smiled and took Soonyoung’s hand and looked at the window. “I don’t have any time left.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished chapter 27 and I thought on giving a double update since I think Chapter 12 wasn't too good to have you waiting for more. Jajajajaaja, I'm so sorry for the late update, Honestly I have finished the last chapter for about two weeks but I had been working on Saturdays even tho I was supposed to not work on Saturdays so I have soooo little time so I spent it resting so I didn't work. This is one of my favorite chapters because I gave meani hints about the other boys and how Wonwoo felt. Not all the stuff but at least enough to keep this interesting. I had so many ideas on how to make this happen but I liked how it came to be. Any questions about the story I can answer it only and only if I don't give spoilers.


	14. I slept with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some confussing things.

Everything felt surreal, the smell was new, it was a mixed smell of oil and new leather. There was no leather but there was at least one can of oil in there. He was stuck and close as he could to the boys. Not that could be any other way either. Seungcheol was sitting on a chair with his eyes glued to his cellphone. Wonwoo looked at him and sat beside him.

“It was like this the last times?” Wonwoo asked as he looked at the set, four sides, divided just by a thin wall.

“We had female people last time,” Seungcheol answered as he typed something on his phone.

“There are some women in here,” Wonwoo said and Seungcheol looked at him before he moved his head to look at where Wonwoo was signalling, the female staff, looking around, some were there fixing the boys make up. Minki had his blonde, long hair tied in a ponytail and as the coordinator fixed his lipstick, he looked at Wonwoo, he glanced at them with his dark eyes, full of something Wonwoo was unable to decipher. Seungcheol laughed and hit him with his elbow.

“You’re right,” Seungcheol said and Wonwoo smiled at him, looking at that goofy but honest smile.

“I would be happy if we could have After School in here,” Wonwoo said making Seungcheol let out another loud laugh. Wonwoo moved his eyes to meet Minki’s but the boy wasn’t there anymore and as Wonwoo tried to find him, he meets Mingyu’s gaze, making him shiver, moving his head to see Seungcheol. The boy’s gaze was on Mingyu. “Something happened?” Seungcheol looked at him like he did the weirdest question in the world.

“He broke up with his girlfriend,” Seungcheol said and moved to see the boys on the set, moving around as they recorded their dance part where they wouldn’t be needed at all. “She left the company.”

“Why?” Wonwoo asked and Seungcheol shrugged before he looked at Wonwoo’s face. The younger was worried but he could see in his eyes how they sparkled with  
curiousness.

“We don’t know,” Seungcheol said. “Nayoung came to me yelling at me about how Mingyu had made Sunye cry and quit, he will be trouble for sure.”

“There might be a reason,” Wonwoo said, blushing at Seungcheol’s gaze, surprised and even annoyed. “I believe, he doesn’t seem like that kind of person.”

“It seems, you are the only one who believes that.” Seungcheol stood up as he was called to another shot. “But I guess you’re right,” he said stopping and turning his whole body to see Wonwoo, “he doesn’t seem like that but he’s actually behaving like a dickhead.”

Wonwoo looked at him before following him. He stopped, turning to see Mingyu, laughing happily with Soonyoung and he was sure of it, Mingyu wasn’t bad but he was behaving like a dickhead for sure, the reason was unknown but Wonwoo was sure, he would know eventually. When he walked on set he felt something on his back, turning to see Minki, a soft smirk on his lips and Wonwoo gulped. Like there was something Minki knew and Wonwoo was unaware of. A little secret of Wonwoo that not even himself knew about. Wonwoo walked towards the others, trying his best to cling onto Doyoon but it was hard since Doyoon was the main actor on the music video. Wonwoo looked at him intensely. Admiring the way the older was portraying emotions and at the same time, he felt sad because there wouldn’t be another way for him to shine the way he was doing it at that moment. He would go unnoticed. For how long? He didn’t know.

They finished after a long, tired day, it was midnight and they were going to their dorm. Wonwoo would stay one night only since he wasn’t living there but it was too late to take the subway and get home. Everyone was soundly asleep but him and he stared at the window. He wasn’t able to see anything but the darkness and every other light. There was a small sound that made Wonwoo move, not too much when he felt something warm on his hands, he turned to see Mingyu, sitting at his side, taking his hand, the boy had his eyes half open, with a small smile. Mingyu soon closed his eyes, moving his hand but Wonwoo stopped him, taking it and interwinding their fingers, feeling how the heat spread from his hand into his core. Into every bit of himself. He turned his head to see the window without even releasing Mingyu’s hand, he stared at the darkness until he fell asleep.

When Wonwoo woke up, Mingyu’s hand was gone, he felt embarrassed. He felt guilty, he felt like he did something he shouldn’t. Blushing when he saw Jihoon looking at him.

“We’re home,” Jihoon said slowly. Wonwoo looked at him with sleepy eyes but he could see a small blush on his cheeks as if the sentence was more revealing than intended. “Come here, let’s go,” Jihoon said taking Wonwoo’s hand and the younger yawned. Jihoon chuckled as he kept pulling the younger out of the van.

“Where’s Mingyu?” Wonwoo asked without having any second thought. Jihoon stopped and stared at Wonwoo, looking almost offended by the question, to not being needed or wanted. Hist touch flattered and Wonwoo held his hand stronger, squeezing the small hand, feeling the long fingers brushing against his skin.

“He left,” Jihoon said, but Wonwoo was falling asleep. “He fled from here,” Jihoon said and Wonwoo just nodded. “We’re leaving,” Jihoon said yawning. Wonwoo followed at once. Jihoon closed the door of the car and held Wonwoo’s hand as they walked. Wonwoo didn’t feel as he felt with Mingyu. His hand didn’t feel warm, his body didn’t feel the heat. It was a nice touch, warm in a different way and he felt, for sure, as he was home. When Jihoon opened the dorm room, he left Wonwoo’s hand go and Walked towards his room, without telling another word to Wonwoo, until he remembered, it was his first time there. The lights were on, it was a little messy and with obvious reason, there lived a few teenage boys. Seungcheol and Doyoon were in the kitchen looking around on what to snack, Soonyoung was in the living room, laughing animatedly with Mingyu until the door of the room was open.

“Can you shut up?” Seungkwan yelled, not angry but in a strong manner to everyone hear him. “We’re trying to sleep down here,” he finished and walked inside the room.

“Wonwoo,” Doyoon said and the boy looked at him, watching how Doyoon rested his elbows on the counter. “Go to sleep in Seungkwan and Hansol’s room, there’s an empty bed, maybe even two.” Seungcheol moved to hit Doyoon in the ribs.

“Shut up,” Seungcheol hissed, “just go there, sleep tight,” Seungcheol said and when he finished the sentence he turned around to keep cooking whatever he was craving for. Wonwoo stared at him until Doyoon came into the frame.

“Go on,” Doyoon said with a smile, “you look like fainting already,” he chuckled and disappeared. Wonwoo walked towards the room, glancing back at Soonyoung and Mingyu, both of them were whispering and giggling to themselves.

Wonwoo got into the room. A pair of bunk beds, one of them didn’t have the top mattress. Something moved on the darkness and he could see Hansol turning on the bed and an arm around him as Seungkwan snuggled closer to him. He looked at them in the darkness, something within him made him feel jealous of it, about their closeness and their comfort. He didn’t take too much time and fell into the other mattress but as much as he was tired he couldn’t sleep and he rolled on the bed. He looked at Seungkwan and Hansol sleeping together, the top of the bunk bed and the wall. The sounds outside the room were long gone and there was just silence. There was something making him restless and his head was going nowhere, just was there in the moment, in the black spot on the bunk bed. The door opened and Wonwoo moved, to see who was getting into the room. Mingyu got inside and looked into the room, on a reflex, Wonwoo faked to be asleep. Closing his eyes.

“Hyung are you awake?” Mingyu asked and Wonwoo couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Yes,” Wonwoo answered, not opening his eyes.

“Can I sleep with you?” Mingyu asked and Wonwoo opened his eyes, turning to see Mingyu, the young boy was there standing, looking shy and hurt, embarrassed, Wonwoo was sure he could see Mingyu’s cheeks shine red. Wonwoo didn’t answer and tapped the bed beside him. Mingyu moved and lied on the side, staring at the bunk bed before Wonwoo turned his body to meet Mingyu.

“Why?” Wonwoo asked shyly, Mingyu turned his head to see him but he didn’t turn his body.

“I just felt like I wanted to be with you,” Mingyu answered in a whisper. Wonwoo moved his body, not thinking twice and not even straight, he placed his hand on Mingyu’s stomach and pressed his body closer to the younger. Mingyu took a few seconds to react turning his body to face Wonwoo, their faces almost at the same height, but Mingyu was a bit smaller than Wonwoo. They held their breaths as Mingyu placed his arm around Wonwoo’s waist pulling him closer and when they both sighed Wonwoo tugged Mingyu’s shirt and soon as felt Mingyu’s warmness against his body a wave of sleepiness hit his body, closing his eyes without loosening his grip on Mingyu’s shirt and wanting to feel him closer. Closer and deeper against his skin.

When Wonwoo woke up in the early morning, he was alone but he still could feel Mingyu’s body against himself, against his skin and it was carved into him but at the back of his head, of his heart, he was hurt because he was left alone, without a note, feeling used and dirty but he was happy because the warm against his body was even closer to his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not updating. I haven't had time to do it lately. I get home really tired and annoyed to do anything and I just want to sleep so I do that. I have been working on weekends too so I'm just too tired and I just want to lie in my bed but you know what. I have a week free from work so, I'm gonna update now. I'm actually, one chapter behind. This one and the next one since I just finished chapter 29 and I'm gonna star writing chapter 30. No, if you think I'm loosing hope on this story, I am not. I swear I just haven't have time to write or think on anything else that isn't related to work. It had been so hard for me, but I think things are gonna get better soon. I hope so. 
> 
> In other news I want to do my profile page to put all my work, I mean an actual webpage sooooo I'm gonna take this week for it and to write. Starting from tomorrow. I also gonna put some writing work too for future references


	15. I try to find answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And things get a little clear.

Everything became hectic for Wonwoo, his head travelled far away to the moment when he was sharing the bed with Mingyu but the thought always soon died. He had been watching people come and go from the company, he had seen people cry and leave, all of them feeling worthless and sad, scared of the uncertainty. As things happened in Wonwoo’s life, as everything went on and off, the thought of debuting was out of his mind because he wanted to sort some things before that. He wanted to know what he was feeling, with what his head is filled with. He stopped the track of his thoughts to see himself in the mirror. The bathroom was small, it smelled nice and Wonwoo was glad for it, he opened the faucet to wash his hands and moved outside cautiously. When he was outside he looked at the pretty ladies dancing a happy song. All slim and tall, older than himself and he was amazed by their beauty, of course he had seen them before when they ate in the common room but they looked different, they were the same people he had seen eating, laughing and joking but they aura shone that moment, when they were dancing and singing, showing their best smile and playful side. Wonwoo walked to stand behind the director, from the camera, looking at the screen, watching those small faces shine, be pretty on happiness, on that happiness he wants but he isn’t actually desiring with his whole being. When the music stopped and the chatter began to get louder he was there, frozen on the spot, staring at the empty set, hearing Seungkwan’s loud laugh and Soonyoung’s voice but it didn’t make him move but the sound made him get tired, scared on how big it was, making him feel small.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Wonwoo heard, a small velvety female voice when he turned he was greeted with a wide smile and shy tinted cheeks. Wonwoo smiled at her and stared back at the set, she walked to stand next to him.

“The feeling, yes, it’s pretty,” Wonwoo said making her giggle. Soft, feminine and Wonwoo felt it was kind of fake, trying to be flirty.

“Can you imagine yourself on the other side?” She asked softly, kindly and Wonwoo looked at her.

“I can’t,” Wonwoo answered. She moved closer to hold his hand, a warm, reassuring manner that Wonwoo felt grateful for.

“It’ll take its time but it will be wonderful,” she said squeezing Wonwoo’s hand and when she heard the faint but close sound of voices she moved away. Wonwoo followed her movements and he walked towards the other boys.

Soonyoung was laughing loudly as he was sitting on the floor, Sungkwan was saying something, moving his hand and his whole body and as he talked animatedly, his Jeju accent flowing in the air, making him look cuter and softer. Mingyu was the first to spot him, the younger frowned at the sight. Wonwoo walking slowly, enamoured of a thought. The moment Wonwoo got closer, standing next to Jihoon, they were called on the set. The Director gave them directions on what to do, they all nodded. Playing around, Wonwoo’s mind was out, not there, not watching Mingyu, not thinking on everything the younger made him go through. On every thought, on how his skin got goosebumps when he was close, he wasn’t thinking on anything else, until the moment of the recording, Mingyu pressed his back on a fake door and the door gave in, making him fall soundly. He saw him fall but he didn’t laugh until he heard Jihoon’s loud mocking laugh and the younger complained. Wonwoo laughed, a laugh that was weirdly seen. Soonyoung clung to his back and he took the older’s arm and rested his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder. It was comforting. It took them a while to stop laughing and they keep recording. When they were done, Soonyoung clung on his back, his chin resting on Wonwoo’s shoulder and Wonwoo held his arm, softly, scared.

“You did a good job,” Soonyoung said happily, “Wanna have a meal with me?” Wonwoo looked at him with the corner of his eye because he knew that if he turned his head he was about to be too close, too close he could be able to kiss him.

“I do,” Wonwoo answered and he could see how Soonyoung’s face illuminated as he smiled, holding him tightly.

“Let me go to the bathroom and we’ll go to get something tasty,” Soonyoung said as he released Wonwoo and walked away, his smile not fading from his face. Wonwoo stood, watching him walk away and disappear.

“Wonwoo, right?” Wonwoo heard the same kind voice of before. “I’m Yoo Ara,” she said bowing politely and Wonwoo did the same. She looked around before she got close to Wonwoo, she walked closer cautiously and took Wonwoo’s hand carefully, opening his hand and placed a paper on his palm. She then leaned to place a kiss on his cheek. Wonwoo blushed after the touch freezing on the spot, making her giggle and before Wonwoo could say anything at all.

Wonwoo looked at the paper, there was an email account, written carefully and thoroughly.

“Is everything okay?” Soonyoung asked making Wonwoo jump, hiding the piece of paper in his pocket.

He shook his head, “Everything is fine, let’s go.” Wonwoo walked and when he touched his pocket his heart skipped a beat. It was something nice he didn’t want to deny. He wanted to run after it. As the time passed, as he heard Soonyoung’s happy laugh his heart started to drum against his ears. He was nervous and excited it was feeling he was pleased to have.

Soonyoung and he were sitting at a fast food chain restaurant, one in front of the other. The food in front of them and he took a few seconds to see how Soonyoung gave a big bite to his hamburger and munched. Why everything he did looked so fun and happy to do? Wonwoo asked himself as he bit his hamburger.

“Is everything fine between you and Mingyu?” Soonyoung asked, caught him with his defences on the minimum, making Wonwoo almost choke on his last bite and taking a long sip of his coke as he coughed.

“What?” Was everything Wonwoo could say in between his coughing. Soonyoung looked at him and took a sip from his coke. “Why anything should be bad between us”, we’re not even close.”

“What?!” Soonyoung exclaimed with his open eyes, wide and almost bulking from his eye pit. “But you… And him… I thought,” Soonyoung mumbled and he gave up taking a bite of his hamburger and then taking a fry, frowning, discouraged and hurt.

“Do you know why he broke up with his girlfriend?” Wonwoo asked.

Soonyoung swallowed and signalled Wonwoo, standing from his chair, touching Wonwoo’s chest, “That’s why” Soonyoung said. Wonwoo hit Soonyoung’s hand away.

“What that supposed to mean?” Wonwoo asked, angrily, maybe even over excited, his heart beating ten times faster than before. He was afraid, scared of something he wasn't prepared to deal with. Soonyoung took a few moments to react, sitting again.

Soonyoung cleared his throat, “I mean, that’s why I thought you were close, you always ask for each other.”

“I don’t ask for him,” Wonwoo scoffed, his cheeks feeling warm and he drowned everything in the last bit of his hamburger.

“More often than you think,” Soonyoung said shrugging, “she wasn’t what Mingyu wanted,” Soonyoung said and Wonwoo nodded playing with a fry before eating it, “or who wanted her to be,” Soonyoung mumbled and Wonwoo looked at him when he took the last big bite to his hamburger, to not say anything, to finish the conversation and Wonwoo got it. They changed the topic to video games and music but Wonwoo felt uneasy as if Soonyoung tried to tell him something but he didn’t want to think about it, so he sinks the topic under the thought of the piece of paper on his pocket. It was a reassuring thought as if it was meant to be. Well, that was meant to be, doesn’t it?

They finished eating and they left, they went separates ways. The wind was a little cold but the weather was still warm. It was already dark and Wonwoo looked to the sky before getting into the subway and he couldn’t see any star. He walked step by step slowly, carefully and took his phone. He took the piece of paper. He added it to his contacts and placed it in a trash bin.

‘Hello, it’s Wonwoo’ He wrote and sent not even knowing what else to say. When he finished he was about to place the phone in his pocket but he stopped, he stopped walking and he shook, his hands were shaking but he wanted to do it.

‘Mingyu, is everything alright? I heard you broke up with your girlfriend,’ he sent, stumbling on every key, afraid, making mistakes every other word, somehow, he wanted it to be perfect.

He kept walking with his heart in his mouth, still shaking at every step. His phone vibrated and he took it, breathing when he noticed it wasn’t Mingyu. His message was answered, and he answered it, no second thoughts and no shyness, just himself on every message he exchanged with Yoo Ara. He soon forgot about Mingyu and his initial fear. His message kept unanswered even after a week, even after a month in which he got close to Yoo Ara, too close. As every day he got closer to Yoo Ara he got further away from Mingyu, but Wonwoo never noticed, he didn’t notice the gap they were trying to overcome, the gap he had made and Mingyu was reluctant to follow now was growing and Mingyu was the one trying to get further away from him.

Wonwoo was on his room, sending the last message of the day and he was sure he was about to get a nice sleep as he stared at the moon, his soon vibrated and he took it without hesitation.

‘Let’s meet tomorrow,’ he read, Yoo Ara sent him and he felt excited and a rush of happiness going through every corner of his body.

That night he couldn’t sleep.

‘Let’s meet tomorrow, 10 PM, the rooftop’

He thanked the moon but it wasn’t it’s doing, it was a different thing from that night when he cried in his sleep, asking for an opportunity. It was a different feeling he was willing to embrace. Even if it wasn't the right thing to do. He barely got any sleep with his excitement but when he got asleep he dreamed. A dream he would never remember or maybe he would, in the future, when he was weak and sad when the thought of a pair of empty hands letting many people's dreams fall, slipping through his fingers when the desire of living was too weak to let him breathe. Just at that moment, he would remember the dream what he felt made him feel empty and all alone.

He was standing on a door frame, everything he could see was light, a bright light and a silhouette that made his heart stop at once, making him smile, revolting his stomach and he mumbled a sole name, so weak and so slow he cried, he cried for those arms being around his body and cried until he woke up, sobbing, with wet cheeks and tears keep flowing from his eyes.

He let it pass, going through his day like every other day. Going to school, paying attention and then going to the company, sharing lessons with Doyoon, Mingyu and Hansol. When they finished they called it a day and left. Wonwoo pulled Soonyoung's arm, the older boy was about to stay a little longer rehearsing another song, as he always did.

"Can you wait for me?" Wonwoo asked and Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. "Look I'm gonna meet someone so I need someone to get back with."

"Who?" Soonyoung asked, frowning.

"It doesn't matter," Wonwoo answered and Soonyoung's frown got more visible.

"If you don't tell me I won't do anything for you."

"Okay, okay," Wonwoo said, sighing at the end. "Yoo Ara."

"You gotta be fucking kidding," Soonyoung hissed. "Just this time, if something gets bad, I'm leaving and I don't know shit, 'kay?"

"Right, thank you," Wonwoo said and he left the room, Soonyoung looking directly at him.

Wonwoo walked carefully, trying his best to not be seen by anyone else. He never went to that place before, it was out of his regular directions and it felt like a whole new world. She was waiting at the top, beside the door. She looked stunning and he was in a pair of jeans, looking tired and done after a day of training but she didn't see to mind that. Smiling at him brightly and wide.

"Come here," she said giving out his hand to Wonwoo and the younger took it, feeling the delicate fingers around his hand on a strong grip.

They walked outside and sat on the dirty floor.

"I came here out by curiousness," Yoo Ara said carefully, almost like counting the words she was allowed to say, "now, I come every time I feel this isn't worth my time or my youth," she said and looked at Wonwoo, "at this time the stars look really good from here," she finished and Wonwoo looked at the sky, it was true, the stars shone brightly, twinkling.

"It's beautiful," Wonwoo said and without thinking he looked at her, "but not as much as you."

She giggled and leaned towards him, Wonwoo froze there until the moment their lips were connected. It wasn't a new feeling or a new thing to Wonwoo but it felt like it, he could taste her lip gloss, chocolate, he kissed her eagerly, placing his hand on her nape, pulling her closer. It was a kiss that lasted as much as they could hold it and they repeated it a few times. It was nice, Wonwoo thought but it wasn't different from anything he had before, it was exciting, well, a kiss was always exciting to anyone, but Wonwoo wasn't feeling anything at all, he wasn't feeling flustered as he felt with his ex-girlfriend and he didn't felt like any feeling was about to grow out of it. They snuggled after the last kiss and stared at the dark sky with their fingers interlocked and nothing to say, just sharing a moment together. They left after a few hours when it was getting too late. They exchanged a few more messages but Yoo Ara got busy and Wonwoo got tired. There was nothing in there and they knew that very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would write more but I spent the day out... things got a little too busy and I ran tired to write but I will for sure, don't worry about that. I'm really happy about it, I mean to keep writing I really love doing it.


	16. you get someone else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small revelations.

As the day passed, Wonwoo got used to people going in and out. Leaving, flustered, annoyed and always, without any desire to keep pursuing their dreams. It was saddening and as time went by he felt like he should do the same, quite, leave, not looking back but he couldn't’, every time he thought about it, he could see Soonyoung, Doyoon, Mingyu, Seungkwan, Hansol, Jihoon and even Seungcheol. He got used to them, he liked them, he could keep going, he stayed there because there were there, with him, living a hell day by day, wishing for a brand new day, for heaven and they were sure they would reach it for sure. Wonwoo was sure of it.

Some days passed without a change, some others were reluctant to stay in the routine. That day was one of those, he was called to stay over the school, for a while. He was mopping the floor absentmindedly as the class president watched him. Elbows resting on the desk and her chin on the back of her hands.

“What are you thinking?” She asked and Wonwoo stopped, blushing when he noticed he had been mopping the same spot for almost ten minutes.

“Nothing,” Wonwoo answered, he turned to look at her, at her tanned skin and long black hair. Her hair was unfitting for her round face, he saw the beauty in her, the beauty everyone else was missing. She placed a strand of hair behind her ear and Wonwoo smiled, that framed his face. She looked beautiful. She blushed.

“Wonwoo.”

“I’m sorry, you’re pretty,” Wonwoo said and kept mopping the floor. She giggled an honest, awkward sound that made Wonwoo smile.

“Are you flirting with me?” She asked shyly, slowly but with a big grin and smile. Wonwoo looked at her with wide eyes before he let out a big, annoying smile. “Hey,” she yelled.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said moving himself to keep mopping the floor, wanting to finish as soon as he could, at least after those ten minutes. “I wasn’t flirting,” he said and he stopped to look at her, “I just wanted to point it out,” he said and he kept moving.

“Honestly,” she said slowly, the flirty laugh was off but the tone of her voice held something that made Wonwoo stop to look at her wearily. “You have changed.”

“Did I?”

She nodded, “I still remember the handsome boy that came in, shy to even say hi,” she smiled, her eyes turning into half moons, “you’re now saying I’m pretty out of the blue, you have changed.”

“Well many things have happened,” Wonwoo said as he stopped and played with the mop before he turned to see her.

“Wanna tell me?” Wonwoo moved to look at the floor and to finish his task.

“Would you keep it a secret?” Wonwoo asked looking at her.

“Would you let me tell everyone you told me I was pretty?” She asked making Wonwoo laugh, he moved to place the mop close to the door and walked to sit beside her.

“If you don’t tell anyone, I’ll call you pretty in front of everyone if you want,” Wonwoo said as he tapped the desk.

“That’s a deal,” she said giving Wonwoo her hand, he shook it and then looked at the front, at the blackboard, clean, without the next day date written on it. “Is something bothering you?”

“I actually don’t know,” Wonwoo said as he started to move his hands. “There’s this thing in my mind, it’s about how I feel about someone.” Wonwoo looked at her and she moved her head to make him keep talking, he blushed and looked at his hands. “I don’t get what I feel. I mean it a nice feeling but I wonder, should I feel like that?” He looked at her.

“And why shouldn’t?” She said smiling reassuringly.

“Because it’s a boy,” Wonwoo said almost angrily, almost yelling, his nails digging into the skin of his hands. “I have this need to melt with him but it’s strange, how I also hate being close to him, I’m happy and I feel like I can breath when I am away from him and every bit of my body hurts and burn when I’m close to him, when he touches me but I need that feeling, I need feel that burning tingling sensation all over my body,” he said and blushed. “That sounded so weird.”

“A little,” she said smiling. “It sounds like, you are in love with him,” she said slowly making Wonwoo blush into a deeper shade of red, adding also his neck, maybe even his shoulders.

“He had a few girlfriends,” Wonwoo said, “but it’s weird because I feel like he wants me closer but not at the same.”

“You never tried asking?”

Wonwoo laughed, “I didn’t know what I felt, I didn’t know what to ask,” he said and stopped. “Don’t you think is weird?”

“Love comes in different sizes and shapes, in different ways too,” she said. “If you’re in love with him, isn’t wrong, it wouldn’t be wrong if it was a girl so it shouldn’t be weird if you liked a boy.” Wonwoo giggled.

“I slept with him,” Wonwoo said and stopped, “I mean, in the same bed…” He said and he blushed even deeper, starting to mumble, “We just slept in the same bed, not sex, he went to my bed and asked me if we could sleep together and I couldn’t say no,” he said slowly, stumbling into words nervously, “I clung into him and I didn’t want him to go, I just wanted him…”

“Maybe you’re attracted to him,” she said shrugging. “I don’t know.”

“Lately I feel like I been drifting away from him,” Wonwoo said. “I feel different towards women,” he said. “I was hanging with this girl and we kissed,” Wonwoo said. “A few amazing kisses but I didn’t feel anything at all.”

“Wanna try it again?” She asked and Wonwoo turned to see her, no other intention was drawn to her face, there was an honest worry and a need to help but at the same Wonwoo could see the small glint of excitement and Wonwoo knew, deep down that she would be hurt but there was that small honesty that made him sure she wouldn’t say a word, that she would keep it as a secret.

Wonwoo stood up without saying a single word and leaned towards her, brushing her lips at first, a soft, teasing touch, before he fully took her lips. Moving them slowly, softly. His feets where still on the place, on the ground and his mind was there, not feelings, no need, not even when her scent was wonderful, she had that fresh floral perfume but that didn't mean a thing. There was no tingling feeling, not even that small flow on his veins, blood going to places that shouldn’t and his skin didn’t burn. He broke the kiss, admiring her tinted cheeks, flushed, and breathless but he wasn’t feeling any different at all.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said.

She smiled brightly as she stood up. “It’s okay, hope it helped to something.” Wonwoo moved to sit on the desk as he watched her walking away. He stayed there, looking at the blackboard before he stood up to finish what he has been asked to. He left and walked to the company. The wind already started to be a little cold and he hugged himself, trying to not feel cold at all. At the back of his mind was the thought of being different than he was before but maybe, he wasn’t any different at all. He was the same guy but his feelings were more honest than ever before. He didn’t try to love but just felt that deep love and that deep attraction and even when he was scared of it, he didn’t want it to end.

He got inside the building, walking almost absentmindedly when he heard a door closing in front of him, he looked at Soonyoung, the older was taking a deep breath. Wonwoo saw hoe the older body relaxed with the action. Taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly.

“Is everything alright?” Wonwoo asked when he got closer, Soonyoung looked at him, trying to hold the tears.

“Yeah,” Soonyoung said and before Wonwoo could say anything, he fled away, he walked fast but silently and Wonwoo could only watch him.

He opened the door.

“I’m so sorry, it wasn’t my choice,” Jihoon said without facing him until the very end, blushing when he saw him, instead, probably, Soonyoung.

“Did something happened?” Wonwoo asked and Jihoon shook his head. “Again, what happened?”

“I got into the new group,” Jihoon said, “Soonyoung didn’t.”

“Is he mad?”

“I don’t know but happy isn’t,” Jihoon said and stood up but Wonwoo stopped him.

“I’ll talk to him,” Wonwoo said, smiling slowly, making JIhoon snort a laugh.

“How could you be able to talk with him about how he feels if you cannot sort your own feelings,” Jihoon hissed making Wonwoo frown.

“That has nothing to do with you,” Wonwoo retorted, “this isn’t about me anyway, it’s about how he feels so shut the fuck up and let me talk with him.” Wonwoo stepped out the room slamming the door, walking towards the way Soonyoung took, even though he didn’t know where the older went to. His heart was drumming against his ears as he walked, he walked to the place he went to Yoo Ara when he reached the door, he saw her, looking at him then moving towards the door, disappearing through the closed door. That moment, he understood how hard he had avoided that part of the building and how guilty he felt. She was just an experiment to him even when he tried his best for her to mean something in his life. He opened the door, finding Soonyoung leaning on the handrail, not turning even at the sound of the door. The sound was strong and annoying. Different from the last time he had been there.

“She was right, doesn’t it?” Wonwoo said slowly and Soonyoung didn’t move, not even flinched at the sound of Wonwoo’s voice. “Jihoon told me.”

“I’m not mad at him,” Soonyoung said. “ I could never be mad at him.”

“Then, what is wrong?” Wonwoo asked and for the first time, Soonyoung moved, turning to see him, a wicked, mocking smile on his lips.

“If we talk about this, can we talk about you?”

Wonwoo snorted a laugh and walked closer to Soonyoung, “why is everyone bothering to worry about me?”

“Because we like you,” Soonyoung said and moved his hand to Wonwoo’s shoulder. “We love you Wonwoo.”

“What’s bothering?”

“No,” Soonyoung hissed, “you aren’t avoiding this talk if you want me to talk you’ll talk.”

“I will don’t worry.”

“I’m not mad, I’m not envious but I’m hurt,” Soonyoung said. “It’s not about him, not about Seungcheol and not even Doyoon, not even Yoosang and Youngwon,” Soonyoung looked at the street, at the people down there, smiling and laughing freely. “It’s about me, I feel this only mean I’m not worth anything.”

“Soonyoungie,” Wonwoo said, the nickname made the older smile. “You’re the best dancer I know, even Jihoon is jealous of you, it took him a lot to get where you are and you are naturally talented, hardworking and talented.” Soonyoung giggled.

“Thank you,” the older said, a bitter sad tone drawn in his voice, the sound made Wonwoo move and hug Soonyoung. “What about you?”

“What’s everything about you worrying about me?” Wonwoo asked, getting away from Soonyoung, holding the handrail.

“We know,” Soonyoung said, “we know about your crush on Doyoon.” Wonwoo blushed and looked away. “Nothing to be ashamed of, we also know about Mingyu’s boyfriend and what’s going between Hansol and Seungkwan.”

Wonwoo stopped for a few seconds, “Mingyu have a boyfriend?”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung said and moved his hand to take Wonwoo’s hands. “I also know what is going on between you and Mingyu.” Wonwoo looked at Soonyoung and when he saw his face, full of compassion, love and that bitter understanding Wonwoo started crying. “Do you like him?”

“I do,” Wonwoo said, he confessed, with those simple words all he tried so hard to deny, to keep to himself and the moment he pronounced, everything became overwhelming and he cried. “I like him a lot,” he said as he cried, moving to hug Soonyoung. “Why do I like him this much?”

Soonyoung chuckled, “You don’t have to question it, you don’t have to regret it.” Soonyoung patted Wonwoo’s back. “Everything will be okay.”

Wonwoo smiled and pushed Soonyoung away from him, moving his hands on his face. “Everything will be okay.” The both laughed and smiled, moving their heads to see the sky, the sun setting. Soonyoung moved his hand and took Wonwoo’s, interwinding their fingers and together saw the sky change its colours until it was dark. Waiting silently.

“Mingyu loves you,” Soonyoung said for heaven and Wonwoo looked at him. “He told me,” Soonyoung looked at him. “That night when you stayed in the dorm he told me he loved you and he told me what he did in the middle of the night. He stared at you in your sleep until he couldn’t hold the urge to kiss you and left.”

“He got a boyfriend,” Wonwoo said, almost bitterly. “Every time, every time I’m sure about what I feel about him, he’s like that, he is with someone else, why?”

“Don’t cry,” Soonyoung said, almost laughing. “He’s experimenting, he still wants to be sure about what he feels and he wants to be sure he won’t hurt you.”

“He’s hurting me already,” Wonwoo chuckled. Soonyoung caressed his cheek.

“Things will get better, just hang in there.”

“Hang in there Soonyoung,” Wonwoo said with a smile. “Your time will come.”

“Our time will come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update I haven't found time to update or write at all. I have one more chapter pending for update but for know hope you enjoy this lil' bit.


	17. I remember what you made me feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chaeyeon, Mingyu and Wonwoo.

Wonwoo drove to his house, parked his car on the driveway, sober now, no trace of his hangover and he was there, the same place where everything began, almost 20 hours after. The entrance light was on, the other lights were off. There was something on that house that made him not want to get in. Maybe it was because he knew the box would be there, waiting for him, waiting to make him explode with all those memories he had repressed for so long. Maybe it was because he knew Chaeyeon was there, asleep or awake, waiting for him, worriedly as a wife, as a mother, as everything she was but it was annoying to him. Having that much love, that much care he didn’t want, at least, not from her, but at the same, he was glad to have someone to care that much about him, no matter if the person was unwilling to know about him. Wonwoo opened the door, the living room has a light on, it wasn’t the room light, but a lamp in there, he walked towards there and he found his wife, sitting on the single couch, asleep. Her head fell to her left side, the book on her lap was falling and the bookmark was already on the floor. Wonwoo took it and placed it between the pages before he closed the book and placed it on the table beside the lamp. He took her hands and kissed the back of them as he kneeled in front of her.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo pronounced as he stood up and moved to carry her to bed. There was no love in their relationship, at least from Wonwoo’s side but he always gave her her place. That place where he respected her, the place that no matter what he would treat her the way she deserved, no cheating but there would be a few lies to keep her happy and keep her safe because that was the least she deserved.

Wonwoo placed her on the bed, taking away her robe and putting her under the blankets, he made her comfortable on their bed and kissed her forehead. He walked towards their closet to get his pajamas and changed there in the dark, not even bothering to get his discharged clothing from the floor. He walked on his house. The wind wasn’t angry anymore, it rustled against the windows carefully, with something that made Wonwoo think on a lullaby. A sweet song that calmed him. He walked towards his studio, finding it the same way he left it. The pen and the paper on the desk and the drawer closed. He sat on his chair and placed his hands on the desk, the moment he saw his hands he noticed he was crumpling the picture. He was clinging onto it without noticing but he always did, he clung into that memory so hard and so strongly they only way he found to stay with Chaeyeon was a baby, he would have that need to protect it, to protect and take care of her and the thought of running away just vanished with it, no matter how hard he clung into him, Wonwoo wouldn’t run back to him but that was the past. His son and his daughter were gone already, they were out, doing their own life and none of them seemed to be repeating their father’s mistake. Wonwoo left the crumpled photo on his desk and moved to take out the box again.

Wonwoo opened the box. He hadn’t noticed until he placed his hand inside the box to take all its contents. The box was full, things almost fell and it had approximately ten centimeters of height. It was too much, that box was filled with his youth and with his youth only. Upstairs, on his closed, under all the shoeboxes, on a shoebox it was another box, filled with his old age memories, something that should be along the lines of his marriage but it wasn’t quite its contents. It was him, yeah, it was the childhood of his kids, some family pictures but, along all of that it was Mingyu. Photos of him, interviews, stuff with that man he should have left in his past but he never quite could actually do it.

He spread all the contents of the desk and moved the box. He moved everything into the desk and in the middle, there was a picture, a polaroid, slightly faded by time but he could quite see it, as when it was taken. He was twenty-two years old, Mingyu, a year younger. He was hugging Mingyu’s waist, they were trying to take a nice picture for the fans, it wasn't supposed to be taken full body. Their faces were away from each other, almost teasingly, for themselves and for the fans. Soonyoung, at the other side of the camera, the boy who always had other intentions and other ideas, took its time. Mingyu pulled Wonwoo closer, brushing his crotch against the older. Wonwoo whimpered and chuckled, moving his head closer to Mingyu, pressing his forehead against the younger’s forehead.

A clic and a flash.

He was in the present again, smelling Mingyu’s cologne, watching his smile up close but those things were way on his past. Not in that moment, not in that place. He placed the polaroid back on the stack of things. There were not only photographs that marked not just his friendship with Mingyu but their relationship from the first stages to the moment they had sex, that shyness that overcame their relationship until they were comfortable enough with the act. There were letters, notes and postcards, none of them were signed but he knew who had left them on his bed, who sent it to his house back when he was back in his hometown, reading a few books and eating his mother’s food. Some were nice and natural flowing, nothing too intimate. Some were intimate but no names were written in them. Not his own and of course, not Mingyu’s name.

He kept removing stuff, sorting them. Letters, photographs and postcards. He took the very first postcard he got. A postcard from Seoul, not so cheap and not pretty. It had been the last resource and the ultimate confession. Written messily, with a shaking left hand.

 

_ I love you so much _

_ P.S: I’m sorry. _

 

He found the postcard under his sheets when he was about to sleep and he shook, he smiled and ran towards Mingyu, he remembered that moment, he remembered the soft feeling on his chest and all what Mingyu made him feel that night. That was most of what he remembered, the way Mingyu made him feel. The way his heart seemed to race and never stop, no matter how long he had been with him. No matter how many years already passed. He loved him even more. Even that moment, he knew he never let that feeling fade away.

Wonwoo left the postcard on the stack of postcards and kept working on sorting everything, finding a photograph, printed on photographic paper, more likely, printed by Mingyu himself, on the company late at night, when he was sure no one was there. His face wasn’t seen but Wonwoo knew his body very well and there was that beauty spot on his cheek. Mingyu was naked, against the white sheets he knew Wonwoo loved and he loved those white sheets because it made Mingyu’s body look amazing, that golden dark skin against the white. It was a blessing. His mouth was slightly open, his left hand was pressing his dick against his thigh, Wonwoo knew he moved his hand slowly, teasing himself, shaking and whimpering, wanting more. It was teasing for both of them. The secret of that good picture was that Mingyu didn’t took it himself and Wonwoo never felt jealousy over that fact. People could see his naked body, learn every bit of it but no one but him could touch it, no one would hear Mingyu moan and whimper the same way Wonwoo heard him every time he fucked him. All of that were in the past and he knew he wasn’t the only one to know those things. He didn’t felt sad but he didn’t know how he should feel at all. He left it in the stack of photos. He didn’t care if someone could see that picture because after all, he thought it was beautiful, not only because it was Mingyu but, Mingyu’s beautiful body itself.

There were some other printed photos, it had been Mingyu who gave those pictures to him. It were never just pictures of him or both of them, there were many with everyone else. A few with Samuel, Dongjin, Doyoon and Mingming. Their relationship was based on love and respect but it was based on Mingyu’s kindness and softness, on that bit were he spoke about the past, the future, his dreams and his mistakes, about how he felt and Wonwoo provided him reassurance and love. His favorite pictures were the polaroids, taken on the moment, printed and he still could hear Mingyu’s giggle when he saw how bad some pictures came. He always looked good but Wonwoo, Wonwoo was another thing. Wonwoo kept all of those pictures because Mingyu smiled brightly and he loved the way he looked. How happy Mingyu was beside him.

It were the most normal photograph that made Wonwoo cry. It was a photo of Mingyu that he took it himself. It was after sex, Mingyu was face down in the bed, his head pressed against a pillow and his hands under it, facing the camera with a tired smile but honest. He was happy because Wonwoo was there. He knew because that night Mingyu had voiced it. He had said it.

_ “I’m happy,” _ Mingyu said, turning his head towards Wonwoo, the older was putting his pants on, getting dressed to get some water and a little snack for himself. Wonwoo said nothing but the little hesitation on his movements made Mingyu keep talking,  _ “I’m happy because I love you and I’m with you.” _ Wonwoo stared at the boy who was ready to move but he stopped him, moving to get the camera, making him smile.  _ “I’m happy because I love you and I know you love me the same.”  _ Mingyu smiled when he finished and Wonwoo took the picture. It was a full smile and when Mingyu smiled he smiled.

_ “I do love you,” _ Wonwoo said making Mingyu smile even wider, Wonwoo leaned towards him and placed a fast kiss over his lips, then he moved.  _ “I will always love you and I’ll stay with you,” _ Wonwoo said and placed a kiss on Mingyu’s shoulder.

He had been honest that moment because that was the effect of Mingyu’s honest smile but now, when he thought about that, it might sounded like a lie to Mingyu and Wonwoo made it a lie when he wanted it to be the truth. Even when he knew it was the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to take so long to update. I haven't give myself the time to do it. I'm three chapters behind, so after this I have   
> two more chapters to update so I might do it next week. I haven't had time to write often but now I feel better to write and I might keep writing in the same pace I have for now since my job is consuming my soul


	18. you confess to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected things and a confession.

Wonwoo knew it was a tantrum when he saw it. Jihoon was insulting Soonyoung, the older just stayed there, without moving, without voicing anything, just letting Jihoon all his anger go off. Jihoon started to hit Soonyoung’s chest and Wonwoo noticed, they weren’t aware he was there, watching them.

“Say something, you fucking asshole,” Jihoon yelled punching Soonyoung on the shoulder, the older made no sound and Jihoon punched him again. And again until he couldn’t beat it anymore and he started to cry. “You’re happy doesn’t it,” Jihoon said, all his strength disappeared and moved to hug Soonyoung. “You’re happy I’m a failure,” he said in between his sobbing, rubbing his face against Soonyoung chest.

It would be the only time or one of the little few time Wonwoo would see Jihoon cry, he saw the mature, strong boy break into the child he surely wanted to be his whole life. Wonwoo liked it, to see that human, fragile side of a man he was looking up to. He always learns one thing or another with Jihoon and he always saw him like an older friend instead of younger but now, he was seeing the part that made Seungcheol and what made Soonyoung care and love him that much.

“You wanted this to happen, doesn’t it?” Jihoon said, breaking the silence, looking at Soonyoung, holding his shirt strongly, almost like mad and again, nothing fragile about him was drawn on his face. Just anger and power. Still a tantrum. “You didn’t want me to be successful, you want that for yourself only, doesn’t it?”

“Wonwoo, would you be kind to leave us alone?” Soonyoung said. Wonwoo let his hands fall on the table and he stood up. He saw Jihoon glaring at him. He wasn’t mad at Soonyoung, he wasn’t mad at Wonwoo, but he was mad at the whole world, at the whole circumstances that put him in that place. Then again, Soonyoung and Wonwoo were part of the world, they were part of the circumstances that put him there. Jihoon wasn’t specifically mad at them but for those moments when his mind was blinded with all those repressed emotions, he was indeed, hating them.

“Don’t do anything fun in my absence,” Wonwoo said as he stood up making his chair shriek. Soonyoung chuckled.

“We won’t do anything you wouldn’t,” Soonyoung said smiling but as soon as he finished his sentence his sight was back on Jihoon, pressing him against his body, trying to calm him to make him cry but not to be mad anymore. Wonwoo closed the door and he walked.

In Wonwoo’s mind was the memories from the past few months. He felt something close to being emptiness, he felt hollow. Soonyoung and he only saw each other at the end of the day, when they went home. Soonyoung always kept him some company until they reached the subway station and he walked back the same path they took before. Jihoon was busy, Doyoon was busy but he always flashed Wonwoo a smile when he saw him and Seungcheol was busy, stressed and his attention was on Tempest, the new group. He was alone. Mingyu was there for him but in a half-assed way, he got distracted most of the time, typing on his phone with that silly smile Wonwoo wanted to punch and he would do it anytime if he heard Mingyu giggling again. That suffocating giggling when he got embarrassed. The boyfriend thing was buried, no one talked about him and Mingyu never ever mentioned it to him. It hurt him, everyone else knew but him. Like he didn’t trust him at all. Like it was some sort of feeling around them that made them distrust each other.

He walked on the empty hallways towards the exit.

Of course there were other additions but without the help of the other he was the shy, silent and scared boy he always been, he got used to everyone and in a fast healthy way because Soonyoung was there, supporting him, giving him those friendly slaps on his back or punches on his shoulder, with that wild, childish and blinding smile. Then, there was the language gap. They had a new addition, a Chinese trainee, all jumpy and happy, yet shy and barely speaking any Korean but basic words. He had seen him, eating with some Korean workbooks on the table and of course, Wonwoo saw him dance and he was mesmerized.

Wonwoo stopped when he saw Doyoon's back, he hurried his steps to take his arm. The older turned, scared until he saw Wonwoo’s face. The older smile brightly and Wonwoo blushed.

“How’s everything?” Wonwoo asked as he released the older. “How is Seungcheol hyung? I haven’t seen him.”

Doyoon laughed, a dry, breathy laugh, “in bed,” Doyoon said and he walked, Wonwoo followed him because the older hadn't finished yet. “He’s sad, is his second time, he asked for a few days, he doesn’t want anyone to see how bad this affected him.”

“And you? How do you feel?” Wonwoo asked. Doyoon looked at him, directly to his eyes. Wonwoo saw a whole world in those dark eyes.

“Fine, I guess,” Doyoon said and Wonwoo looked at him questioning. “I mean, it’s normal things like this to happen, its part of how things are.”

“Normal? Give you hopes and then step on those hopes like you worth nothing…”

“It is normal Wonwoo,” Doyoon said and looked at him, his tone lowered a little bit, making him sound angry. “Things don’t always go the way one wants. In life, things aren’t easy and this seemed too easy and too good to be real and it wasn’t real.” He moved to take Wonwoo’s shoulders. “Take this in mind, people would do many things to make you feel like you worth shit but you have to know you worth more than you think and always will be someone that would love you no matter what, that will support you, and you don't think you worth nothing because you will be their whole world and means you worth a lot.”

Doyoon released his grip on Wonwoo and left, not leaving too much time for Wonwoo to react. Doyoon was still busy, trying his best to improve, to show the world he was good and trying to help them through the hard moments. Wonwoo walked again, walking towards the exit, everyone was on their own thing and he was just free and bored. The best would be to go home and sleep early for once.

“Hey,” he heard, turning around, finding Yoo Ara, tall and beautiful as she always had been. Her body looked more fragile than when he met her.

“Are you alright?” Wonwoo asked making her tilt her head. “You lost too much weight, is your health okay?” he said making her giggle, covering her mouth and leaning against him, kissing his cheek.

“I’m really fine, thanks for worrying,” She smiled. “I wanted to see how you were, I got busy and I couldn’t reply at all,” she said, her eyebrows we almost together, showing the anguish she felt, she was worried about what Wonwoo could have thought about her. He smiled at her, brightly and honestly, reaching her hand to take it.

“I thought so, don’t worry,” Wonwoo said. She laughed, getting closer, teasingly closer but Wonwoo didn’t move at all, just waiting for the inevitable.

A cough.

Yoo Ara jumped away, he cheeks burning with a deep red colour. Wonwoo turned around, finding Mingyu standing on the door frame, his hand turned a fist and when he saw how everything looked he blushed.

“I’m really happy you’re fine, hope to see you around,” Wonwoo said, letting her hand go and Yoo Ara giggled.

“It’s nice to see you,” Yoo Ara said, turning around in an elegant manner, her hips bouncing and Wonwoo smiled at the sight. When he turned to see Mingyu he was looking at the ground, moving his feet, shyly.

“Is that everything okay?” Wonwoo asked, moving to get close to him, the younger boy took a deep breath before facing him.

“I wanted to tell you something, it would be better if I wait a little longer,” Mingyu said and moved, Wonwoo followed him taking his arm.

“Hey, you can tell me anything,” Wonwoo said and Mingyu hesitated a few seconds before releasing himself from Wonwoo’s touch. It hurt, Wonwoo felt pain when the touch on Mingyu’s skin disappeared so suddenly and in that harsh manner.

“Well not right now,” Mingyu said, in a hiss, spitting the words but it wasn’t like he was angry at Wonwoo but himself as if he expected another outcome and he just found how foolish he was.

“Always,” Wonwoo said and Mingyu froze, “Right now, anytime, you can always count on me.”

Mingyu looked at the floor and then looked at him, with those, mischievous sparkly eyes. He took his hand and Wonwoo felt his skin burning but it was a nice feeling, it was hot but it wasn’t painful. Mingyu pulled him, stomping, giving big steps that made Wonwoo hard to follow. Wonwoo’s heart raced as he saw how the sun was setting at his back. Mingyu stopped in a store.

“Wait here, don’t dare to move,” Mingyu said, commanding with a shaking, shy voice and his cheeks got red, red enough to surface into his skin. Wonwoo blushed too but smiled and nodded.

Wonwoo waited, there was an uncomfortable feeling but there was some joy, he was expecting so many things and he thought on how everything could end but there was something inside him that expected something else, something that he wanted so dearly and mostly in his dreams. Mingyu came handing him a coke, Wonwoo took it shyly, still blushing.

“Let’s go,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo followed him, to a park nearby.

It was a neighbourhood park, small with a few benches and a small playground. There were still kids with their parents. Mingyu walked towards them, waving a small greeting to the parents. Wonwoo stayed behind, watching him. Mingyu didn’t have to walk all the way to the little boys when they spotted him, they smiled and ran towards him, Mingyu kneeled and hugged them strongly.

“Did you ate dinner?” Mingyu asked they giggled and nodded. “Are you sure? I still can ask your parents.”

“We did,” they cried in unison. “Go ask your parents if you can eat a little treat,” Mingyu said, the nodded excitedly and ran towards their mothers who were happily chatting, they looked at their kids then at Mingyu, the boy stood and walked towards them. Smiling.

“Is it good if I give them a little treat?” Mingyu asked. They giggled, that soft, motherly giggle but they didn’t answer. “Doesn’t matter,” Mingyu said. “You can give them this if they behave tomorrow.” Mingyu took a few candies and handed them to their mothers.

“You are so kind,” one woman said, she was slightly younger than the other and Wonwoo was sure, her kid was the first she ever had.

“We’ll give it to them,” the other said. “I hope you don’t spoil your kids, that would be bad.”

Mingyu chuckled, almost letting a loud laugh out of his lips, a loud mocking laugh but he didn’t make such sound, he turned to see Wonwoo looking at them awkwardly. “I doubt that would happen.”

“You are young, just give it time,” she said with a soft, tender voice.

“That won’t change with time, I know that,” he said with an honest smile, “but that ain’t a bad thing. Have a nice evening,” Mingyu said and left, a bag still in his hand.

Mingyu walked towards Wonwoo and the older looked at him, not batting an eyelid, there, waiting for Mingyu to get closer and the small smile on his lips almost made Mingyu run towards, hug him, embrace him in a way he never did before.

“Let’s sit,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo followed him, they walked away from the small playground and sit in a bench, Wonwoo sat first and looked at Mingyu who started to act awkwardly, making him smile. “I bought a popsicle, hope it didn’t melt,” Mingyu said and he took it from the plastic bag and sat beside Wonwoo. The air got tense fast. Mingyu just stared at the ground as he ate his own popsicle.

Wonwoo was admiring the dark night and he looked at the sky, not finding a single star but there were some clouds, blinding his sight. A plop. Mingyu turned to see Wonwoo, the older was mesmerized by the sky despite the clouds and the lack of stars. Mingyu was mesmerized by the sight at his side.

“I’m gay,” Mingyu blurted and the instant he stopped to pronounce such words, Wonwoo was already staring at him with wide-open eyes. Wonwoo didn’t make a sound. “Do you remember that time when you asked me about my ex-girlfriend when I was dating Yubin?” Mingyu said.

Wonwoo chuckled, “I never knew she was called Yubin,” Wonwoo said, blushing.

“I broke up with my boyfriend that time, Yubin was to see if I would be able to date a woman,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo turned to see the sky once again. “I wasn’t, it’s nice but not my thing.”

“I kind of guessed,” Wonwoo said. “I saw you that time.”

“I loved him and he was really understanding when I told him it would be hard if I got to be discovered but also if I got to be an idol would make everything harder,” Mingyu said. Wonwoo licked the popsicle. “I also wanted to tell you I’ve got a boyfriend.”

A laugh, sad and lonely came from Wonwoo’s lips unintentionally, “why should I know about your affairs?”

“Because you’re my friend,” Mingyu answered, the answer made Wonwoo bite his lip but Mingyu’s words trailed something else. Something he wasn’t able to say. “I wanted you to know because it’s part of me and you’re my friend, you should know everything about me, I hope you are not disgusted by it.”

“I’m not,” Wonwoo answered. “But I don’t think it wise to say about your affairs.”

“I think it’s okay if I tell you because I trust you,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo blushed.

Wonwoo huffed, smiling. “You’ll be my end, Kim Mingyu,” Wonwoo said and looked at him, changed the popsicle to his other hand and took Mingyu’s interwinding their fingers. Mingyu answered the touch and smiled at Wonwoo. The older got closer and rested his head on Mingyu’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu said in a whisper.

“I don’t mind it, I don’t mind anything that comes out of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about this I liked this chapter. The intimacy between Soonyoung and Jihoon also what's implied with Wonwoo and Mingyu.
> 
> I'm soon to finish planning the whole story and you know what, everything starts to get to be really weird in real life since Chaeyeon is MCing with Mingyu in Inkigayo. It feels that I can see the future but I wish not tbh.


	19. I'm jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day by day story.

Things change and sometimes, time flies away. In a tiny gap of a few months, many things changed. People came into the company and Mingyu wasn’t able to complain and he didn’t even want to complain about it. They had been sitting in the practice room, Wonwoo was attached to Soonyoung like a leech as they waited, whispering in his ear. Seungkwan and Hansol were busily together in their own way as they talked with the new members of the company, Chan, and Seokmin. Soonyoung wasn’t on the conversation because Wonwoo was taking all his attention, in a sickening, needy way, almost like a whiny, jealous lover and it was draining Soonyoung, it was draining his outgoing and friendly personality.

“Cut it out Jeon,” Jihoon hissed pushing Wonwoo away from Soonyoung and the boy ran away. “You’re hurting him,” Jihoon said as he sat beside Wonwoo. It was well known for him to be against some sort of skinship but as he was as introverted as him, he understood the need of being reassured and he signaled Wonwoo, letting him know he was willing, at the moment to some skinship and Wonwoo happily hugged him, letting his chin rest on Jihoon’s shoulder. “You’re awfully dry lately,” Jihoon pointed out and Wonwoo moved away from him but Jihoon stopped him. “What’s bothering you?”

“Would you stop worrying about me?” Wonwoo asked with a playful smile. “I’m fine,” Wonwoo said, trying to finish the conversation.

“You aren’t...” Jihoon said and was about to keep talking but Soonyoung distracted him and he lost the track on his own thoughts. He didn’t have time to recall the following words as a staff member came into the room, making the practice room awfully silent, in an almost painful way.

“Hello, I’m coming to inform you about a project we have in mind,” he said, getting everyone’s attention. “We want to form a group but we want, at first getting you public to get at least a small fanbase for your upcoming debut.” The silence transformed into a noisy whispering mess. Wonwoo wasn’t hugging Jihoon anymore but his hand fell into his, feeling the small tremor in him. “We want all of you to live together, that way we can prioritize some things on your training and it will safer for all of you. At least we want you to take it into consideration,” He finished. He didn’t wait any longer and he moved outside, rushed by a message on his phone. The door closed and there was a weird silence.

The thought rushed on Wonwoo’s head. “You’re hurting me, Jeon,” Jihoon hissed and Wonwoo turned at him, blushing at the excitement that was pouring over all his body. “Would you be alright?” Jihoon asked, making Wonwoo tilt his head.

“What do you mean?”

Jihoon stared at him before shaking his head. “Nothing, you’ll see it I believe.” Jihoon stood walking towards Soonyoung, a grateful smile was plastered on Soonyoung’s lips as he clung into Jihoon, mumbling something and Jihoon was just able to smile back, not hugging him not touching him, that part was solely from Soonyoung. The other ones clinging to each other were Seungkwan and Seokmin, two boys with personalities awfully similar. They jumped as they smiled brightly holding the screeching sound of their happy yelling. Hansol was, on the other hand talking almost secretively to Chan.

“What do you think about it?” Wonwoo heard and turned to see Mingyu, standing close to him. Wonwoo didn’t move.

“It’s great, doesn’t it?” Wonwoo said, not faking any sound of his excitement, his eyes shining and gleaming.

“What about living with us?” Mingyu asked and Wonwoo looked at him with wondering eyes making the younger chuckle. “Well, you’ll see when you get there.” Wonwoo smiled and hit him on the shoulder.

“Go on, don’t be like that,” Wonwoo said, almost like a whine, his lips pumped out in a pout.

“I don’t want to spoil you the fun,” Mingyu said with a playful smile on his lips.

It wasn’t until he was living with almost eleven boys in the same apartment when Wonwoo knew what Mingyu was talking about. There was zero privacy. Everyone knew about Seungkwan and Hansol because they didn’t even try to hide it, it wasn’t anything shameful, it was an intimacy that wasn’t physical but purely emotional and innocent but it was the most intimate relationship Wonwoo had ever witnessed even more than his parents who he knew loved each other like mad. It was hard to fall asleep at night and it was even harder to sleep through the whole night and want to wake up in the morning. Their bodies were sore and pained so they just wanted to keep sleeping the whole day until they felt rested enough. At some point he decided to skip a few showers, that was the hardest and most annoying part. Jihoon was the one taking him into the shower, turning the cold water and pushing him against the tiles _“you stink,”_ he had said but he didn’t wait for Wonwoo’s reply and he didn’t further things to him, he stood there, staring at him, tapping the floor with his foot. _“I’m gonna stand here until you rub every inch of your body with soap,”_ he said and Wonwoo knew for sure he wasn’t kidding, and less because the younger shared the room with him but, when he saw that Wonwoo was undressing he stepped out the bathroom. It was hard and annoying, it was tiresome but he didn’t hate it too much. At the same time was joyful and enjoyable, even the silliest fight was fun at the end. The place was filled with a kind, joyful feeling. It made them grow closer. It made them know another side of each other. Whether it was the simplest things like how long they took on the bathroom or what they liked to eat. It was until they were living together that they found out about Wonwoo’s allergy to seafood and Wonwoo found out about Hansol’s allergy to peanuts. It was a respectable good environment.

They had set rules for the show and give them details, it was a long shot before it was done and everything set. Wonwoo was hiding under the sheets on Mingyu’s bed, his bed was on the top bunk but he was talking with Jun, a new member, Chinese with what happened to be little knowledge on the language but the boy was a pretty fast learner. He got stuck on some words but Wonwoo was patient enough to wait for him, sometimes helping him. Wonwoo felt attracted to him in a different way he was attracted to Mingyu, even to Doyoon, it was kind and soft. It was the shyness that wasn’t fitting him completely.

“Are you excited?” Jun asked and Wonwoo uncovered his head to see him. Not answering but looking at the boy as if the question had another meaning hidden in it.

“Yes,” Wonwoo answered, “also nervous,” he said with a smile that Jun answered making Wonwoo giggle against his will. It was of the effects Jun had on him, making him giggle anytime the older smiled at him. The door opened revealing the other Chinese member that wasn’t as shy as Jun seemed to be, he spoke in Mandarin and Jun moved, almost inherently without looking at Wonwoo. Wonwoo just saw him walk away with a slight blush on his cheeks, smiling absentmindedly. Wonwoo covered his head once again with the sheet, almost getting ready to fall asleep even if it wasn’t his bed.

A giggle, a little too loud. “Me too,” he heard Mingyu’s voice but he didn’t dare to move, faking to be asleep. “I do, I swear,” Mingyu said, giggling, the sound turning to be annoying to Wonwoo, it was a different sound of what he was used to. It sounded fake. “I love you,” Mingyu mumbled, whispering as if the words didn’t want to come out of his lips. “I do,” Mingyu reassured, voice shaking. “I miss you,” Mingyu whispered almost out of breath. The sound of his voice made Wonwoo move, taking the sheet out of his head. Looking at Mingyu’s tinted cheeks almost gasping. Mingyu almost yelled when he saw him.

“I think you’ll need some space,” Wonwoo said standing up.

“Wait, not, Won,” Mingyu said but it didn't last too long as he gave his attention back to his phone.

Wonwoo wasn’t angry but he didn’t know what to feel. He walked towards Soonyoung’s room. He let himself fall into the mattress making the former user groan. Jihoon was already half asleep when Wonwoo fell over him.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jihoon hissed trying to get Wonwoo away from him. It took him a few seconds of struggle to make Wonwoo fall limply on his side, staring at the bottom of the bunk bed.

“I heard Mingyu talking with his boyfriend,” Wonwoo said, Jihoon moved to see his face.

“You have to get used to it,” Jihoon said and when Wonwoo looked at him saw him glaring at him and there would be no other words of companionship. It was everything because it was the reality. Wonwoo moved to get comfortable and hugged Jihoon.

“I know,” Wonwoo said and closed his eyes. “I just don’t want it,” he whispered falling asleep hugging Jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking so long updating this lil' thing but I have been dealing with my own health for not but now I'll be better for a while.


	20. I'm too close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonwoo is seeing what he was missing.

Wonwoo never thought the world went around even when he felt that he was lucky. His world, his mind, on the other hand always went around Mingyu even if he tried so hard to stop it. The things went well, Wonwoo got used to the mention of Mingyu’s boyfriend and those annoying giggles. Wonwoo was laying on Mingyu’s bed, besides its owner as he typed on his phone. Wonwoo was under the blankets, staring at Mingyu’s belly as he typed, staring his thighs. Looking how his stomach moved.

“He said he had been watching us,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo uncovered his face to see Mingyu’s face, that childlike, proud smile.

“Who?” Wonwoo asked, looking at how Mingyu’s face turned from a smile to a frown.

“Jin,” Mingyu said, almost angry about the need to mention his name. “My boyfriend, Wonwoo, who else might be making me this happy?” Mingyu said, forcing a smile making Wonwoo let an awkward laugh but Mingyu didn’t notice how Wonwoo’s face turned as the older kept phrasing ‘ _I can make you happy_ ’ in his head. “He said I looked handsome but he doesn’t like he cannot say my name,” Mingyu said and turned to see Wonwoo, the older staring him with a blank stare, a stare he would perfect over time, but for the moment it was useful to not show his jealousy. “Don’t be a bitch,” Mingyu hissed and he turned around to not see Wonwoo.

“I’m sorry,” Wonwoo said, moving close to Mingyu, almost placing his head on his stomach but he didn’t he just rested it on his side. “What do you want me to say, _yoohoo_ , your boyfriend isn’t blind or what?”

“What did you say?” Mingyu turned, sitting on the bed, looking at Wonwoo, the boy never noticed what he said. It was something that he didn’t filter on his head and it wasn’t registered on his mind, he didn’t know he actually claimed Mingyu was handsome, or that at least on the time they were on camera he was handsome.

“I didn’t say anything,” Wonwoo said and stood up. “I’ll go with Soonyoung,” Wonwoo said and Mingyu just nodded, looking again at his phone, smiling like an idiot, driving Wonwoo insane. Burning in jealousy. Wonwoo wasn’t the only jealous but the boy didn’t know. Things never pointed that way even if he wanted to see it. Soonyoung was in the living room, enjoying a movie with Chan and Jun. Wonwoo walked and sat between Soonyoung’s legs, the older said nothing, starting to pat and caress Wonwoo’s head, driving him into a little nap that ended the same moment the movie ended.

“The same shit Wonwoo?” Jihoon hissed when Soonyoung sat at his side. “Soonyoung, don’t spoil him,” he said and walked towards the kitchen. Wonwoo looked him disappear through the doors and then looked at Soonyoung.

“He’s right,” Soonyoung said, moving his hand to Wonwoo’s thigh, Wonwoo moved his head to look Soonyoung’s hand. The boy surely knew how to tease but he never noticed. He was made to the job, not being so adamant on the touches and closeness they needed to have. “You’re getting too sensitive about something you shouldn’t,” Soonyoung said moving to take Wonwoo’s hand, squeezing it, he moved his left hand to place it on Wonwoo’s cheek, making him turn to see him, getting closer, slowly.

“Get a room,” Seungkwan howled and Wonwoo frowned, making Soonyoung chuckle.

Wonwoo moved away, “You get a fucking room!” Wonwoo yelled making Seungkwan laugh like a hyena.

“I am in my room,” Seungkwan said back and Wonwoo was ready to stand up and fight the little kid but Soonyoung took his hand.

“Calm down,” Soonyoung said, not even trying to hide his anger. “Wonwoo, we love you,” Soonyoung said more calmly but that was a little line Wonwoo already crossed, “but, get the fuck over it, he has a boyfriend, pass it on, get something to put your mind on and stop being whiny,” he said and Wonwoo bit his lip, not trying to hide the frown on his face. “Don’t torture yourself.”

“It’s hard living with him,” Wonwoo mumbled and Soonyoung moved to pinch his thigh. “I’ll try,” Wonwoo said, getting a soft smile from Soonyoung.

“I want my friend back,” Soonyoung said making Wonwoo smile.

“I’ll try my best,” Wonwoo said, a little more sure about his words than before.

It was easier to say than do. Wonwoo found absolutely hard to not stare at Mingyu, but things went a bit easier when he wasn’t the one going to him, the one falling. Mingyu asked him to do odd things and hang out with him. Sometimes, Mingyu even asked to share the bed with Wonwoo, nothing said or shared and always for a brief minute that Wonwoo desired more and more.

As part of the broadcast, they were doing some self-defence training. Mostly it was playing around. They all tried his best, Wonwoo thought, even though Seokmin looked like a clown he was actually trying his best but sometimes, that side of him just came out to the surface. Most of the time he found himself looking at Mingyu but as the things grew busy on the day his mind went around but the best was always that Jihoon was beside him, trying his best to keep him distracted and focused in him. He didn’t know why it was but for some reason he made Mingyu carry him around on his back, Mingyu was a kindhearted person so he did it, just groaning once in awhile but Mingyu groaned and whined for almost anything. As they did the training that day, Wonwoo stuck with Jihoon who gladly accepted his company, they laughed together, they talked and sometimes, Wonwoo found himself looking at Mingyu, laughing at his silliness and falling in love even deeper than before. It was when they were paired when Wonwoo felt everything almost like falling apart. He was standing next to Jihoon but suddenly he had been pushed away and he was with Mingyu, smiling at him. They were at the back, a few cameras actually focusing on them. They started doing the routine, the example the trainer was giving them but no one was paying attention to them.

Mingyu’s touch was warm, when he held his wrist, at the beginning the movement he did to release himself was almost natural because it was too much, he felt too much and too good. He needed it to stop so he changed it, he touched him, he turned his hand, he upturned and twisted Mingyu’s arm hearing him whine and scream and he laughed because Mingyu was smiling back at him because they were playing around and their touches were somehow easy, intimate in a friendly manner. It was something everyone developed after the first month living together. The place was too small, the time was almost non-existent and they were too tired to wait, so they washed together, they snuggled together and they breathed each other's air. They touched each other’s ass and no one got uncomfortable, they way they were playing was closeness, an intimacy that grew from living together and of course, it wasn’t as intimate as touching his ass but it felt different, maybe it was the smile or the laughing whines but it was intimate.

Everyone else was paying attention but them, even Seungkwan and Hansol that were paired together. It was well known to everyone there was something going between them, whether it was physical, romantic or whatever it was, was never talked about. Wonwoo glanced back at them to know what was going on and he saw the intense stare, the way their eyes burned when they touched each other but overall was the fact that they weren’t distracted about each other, they weren’t like him, trying to get into something, trying to be something else as if they didn’t burn each other’s skins with their touches as if they didn’t want more intimacy within themselves. But wasn’t intimate enough the way they were going? Their intimacy had already gone past the physical attachment even when they have never been physical at all, Wonwoo was sure they haven’t even kissed yet. That moment he had being pulled by Mingyu, making him fall on top of him and when they were close enough he wasn’t wishing to be close to him anymore, not like that, he wanted that connection Hansol and Seungkwan seemed to have, an understanding that was inexplicably and honest. Wonwoo stood up and helped him to stand. He tried to release his hand as he leaned to ask Hansol about the technique they were doing, but he couldn’t, Mingyu held his hand strongly, not his wrist, his hand and it burned. It burned with everything he held in his heart. Mingyu released the touch to get the hand as Hansol and Seungkwan showed him. Wonwoo did everything the way the trainer said, as if he was used to it, as if he knew it before hand and because the same reason they weren’t being called out despite often ending up playing around because they wanted to touch each other, that was the only reason and they couldn’t hold back that need that grew and grew to every touch but it wasn’t because they were on camera that they couldn’t dissipate that need it was because they knew it would be wrong no matter how much they wanted it. No matter how much they desired to be together. In every way, they could think, yet they were there, pushing any boundaries they could but not crossing any line, they couldn’t and they wouldn’t.

They suddenly were called out, they stepped forward and they were separated. Samuel, that had been paired with Jihoon, in the beginning, was now in the back. Samuel was the youngest among them, he was the youngest and smaller and he was being picked the most by Mingyu as everyone else picked on Mingyu because he was the softest. Wonwoo mostly did and he cared too little or everyone wanted him to know he was doing well because even the trainer complained once in a while. Mingyu, on the other hand, always and by any means whined about almost anything done to him. Wonwoo’s hand went from Mingyu to what he was learning, it was surely useful things but Wonwoo wondered if he was about to use them any time, hopefully not.

It was when the trainer went to see the other members that Mingyu got by his side, his hand going from the back of his neck to the lower back fast making him shiver, making him have goosebumps. He looked at him, Wonwoo looked at Mingyu, he saw his expression, how his eyes looked at how he shone and Wonwoo was sure, to the very bit of his core, that Mingyu was feeling the same but the pain, that hot, burning feel against his skin just made him want it more, he wanted to get used to it, he wanted to get burned.

That moment Wonwoo understood he needed to stop.

Wonwoo concentrated on the self-martial arts training, just stopping when the trainer watched the others and looking at the camera waving, shyly.

It ended and his body moved but he tried his best to restrain himself, moving to follow him, but staying away. Then they started playing games he was on the team with Soonyoung and Jihoon, Mingyu in the opposite team but it didn’t take Wonwoo’s attention, no, Soonyoung was always on his mind, smiling the way he always did and they laughed forgetting everything. Until Seokmin hit, accidentally, Mingyu on the mouth, drawing blood and Mingyu was always sensitive and complained, none laughed but Wonwoo wanted to smile, he wanted to smile because Mingyu was cute, he was wonderful.

The cameras were still on and when he heard the song he tensed at the thought, he was sure the only one knowing what happened was Soonyoung. They came in with shy smiles, all of them looking pretty and amazing. Yoo Ara was stunning and he almost waved and got closer to her but he stopped, looking at her, not because he knew he should but because his eyes wandered towards Mingyu, he stayed away from him, as much as he could but as much as he could, he stared at him. They played musical chairs, that moment he was between Yoo Ara and Jihoon until he was pulled by Mingyu, staying with him, joking with him, they did well on the first round and they were eliminated in the second one, just because he had been close to her and he pulled him out. They left the room.

When he walked behind Mingyu he knew, no matter what was between him and Yoo Ara, he liked her for sure and for many reasons but when it came to love in the proper meaning of the word, Wonwoo loved Mingyu. A crush he called it, no matter how in the following segment he was just with his hand around Mingyu’s waist trying to get his attention away from the camera but at the same he was full of jealousy because, even when Wonwoo was beside him, every day, he was expecting to see a boy and expecting that boy to see him through a camera. Through a screen and Wonwoo wanted that person to see that he wasn’t the only one with his eyes on Mingyu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking too long to write, I'm sorry, I have not been ispired lately but here's it, a new chapter. Hope you like it, things get more and more interesting as this gets going. Chapter 24 is one of my favorites so far, it tells too much but well, you'll need to bear with it a little longer as I try to get a little pace on writing again.
> 
> I wanted to do a hashtaag to use it on twitter so you can have the updates from new chapters and in that way I could give you some snipets since I'm taking to long to update but that way you can see what's going on in future chapters, I was thinking on something like TSIGTW but not sure yet. Also tell me if you want some snipets, I'll post them in my twitter account @ShadowFairyWW and if you like to talk about it my DMs are always open. Any comments or advice are always welcomed.


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